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inkypoo1 [2018-06-16 23:49:28 +0000 UTC]

The character art across the whole page is great. The guy in the first five panels is my favourite

I don't understand what the red bars in the middle of the page are supposed to represent. Simply the passage of time? Interesting choice of device if so.

The panel where she throws the protagonist an object: Get rid of: "Here, catch!" - We don't need this dialogue as you've shown her throwing him something of importance and the reader doesn't need it literally spelled out for them too. Her other dialogue in this panel is cool though - without the other piece of text (that I suggested removing) the text and image give her something of an 'attitude'.

If the protagonist is being sent on a long quest to obtain so many map sections to make this woman's wish come true, I hope he has the street smarts to know that he can pressure her into paying him an extremely high price for enabling her.

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Pro-roro [2018-03-13 01:22:30 +0000 UTC]

Oooh interesting setup. I can't wait to see how the rest of it progresses. Good luck ruby!

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TiredTom [2018-03-12 18:02:25 +0000 UTC]

You're really good at writing political intrigue :0    best of luck!!!

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