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Ryardn — Chapter Eight Spectrians
Published: 2018-08-01 19:59:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 147; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
IF YOU CANNOT READ IT HERE, I ALSO HAVE IT POSTED ON A03: archiveofourown.org/works/1552…This is a fanfiction based on the Spectrobes game series. There will be spoilers for all three games!!
What is Spectrobes?: spectrobes.wikia.com/wiki/Spec…
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ACTION!ACTION!ACTION! And baby's first mission, yay! Well that went well....ahem.
Finally a complete fight scene; how I have been dreading it since I've never done something this involved. I think it turned out ok. You sure showed them Sarah, at least the physical therapy helped. Ah we'll make a proper warrior out of her yet.
Also we begin to see some of her innate powers manifesting. I took the idea from child forms "peace out" of any area that had krawl vortexes in the second game. There's a lot she'll need to learn and now she can since she finally figured out why two weeks of attempts in the hospital never worked.
Hey, if you wanna see a comic idea that got scrapped and then reworked in this chapter, let me know in the comments.
Swatwig: coming soon
Petrova:coming soon
Zozane: coming soon
Zazanero: coming soon
New Reader? Start Here: aqua-blade.deviantart.com/art/…
Previous: www.deviantart.com/ryardn/art/…
Next: By September or October hopefully
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Comments: 6
I wish to say up front that I have not read the rest of this series of stories, so I will be judging this chapter on it's own merits. That being said, I believe that the world and characters portrayed are very interesting. You are doing the space exploration style well, complete with some interesting baddies, fun characters, and some fun insight into Sarah and her backstory. I will say that the other characters did feel a bit flat, but I assume the characters are more fleshed out and realized in previous chapters. Your dialog also feels solid most of the time, with only a few odd spots in between. This is very well written, but their is still some room for growth. You rely heavily on dialog, almost to the exclusion of everything else. You could do well to flesh your environments and set pieces more, as I felt this planet to be intriguing, and wished I could have heard a bit more about how it looked in order to form a better picture of what exactly it is. It was also occasionally hard to tell where characters were in relation to each other and what abilities the characters have available to them, especially during the fight scene. From what I can see, the "abilities" that some characters have seem a bit boring in comparison to the creativity of the setting. What system governs these abilities, and how do they work? Try to separate your system from others, and make it fun for the reader to imagine what kinds of things a character could do with the abilities they have. Overall, this piece succeeds in it's world building and dialog, but at the expense of it's settings and action scenes (though I do see potential, if explained properly with a fleshed out ability system.)
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Hello! First of all, thank you very much for the review of this chapter. I'm always looking to improve and you provided me with a lot to think about.
Just to clarify, this story is a fan fiction based on a game series, so I really can't take any credit for the world. The only new ideas are the protagonist Sarah, the concept of the Spectrians, and her abilities which I can't speak on since they haven't been explored in the story yet (that's beginning next chapter). This is basically my take on what could of happened after the third game. However, I'm glad that my portrayal of something you have never seen before was enjoyable.
I am relying on the fact that those who read it will be recalling their own game playthroughs which is why I'm not as descriptive on the planets and characters. I think that's where most of your confusion stemmed from along with the fact that, like you said, a couple points were established in previous chapters. I don't want them to seem flat though so I will work on quirks and descriptors in future chapters. I know a major challenge for me is finding a happy medium between the dialogue and environments and I want to give this amazing world justice.
I really can't wait to start exploring the abilities in detail; this chapter was the tipping point as Sarah finally realized what she was doing wrong. I have a whole plan for how she learns about them, the rules she has to follow, the consequences of having them, etc. so I hope you continue reading to find out.
Thank you again for critiquing, it means a lot to me.
Have a good day
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Ah. Sorry for not realizing that this was a fan fiction. Doesn’t affect my opinion, but maybe add a little bit to your title mentioning what game this is based on. Also, writing or linking to a brief summary of the source material would help out guys like me who wouldn’t know it. Happy writing!
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No problem! I started the series with the warning and just didn't keep adding it; I'll fix that. And no problem! I'll put a link to the wikia.
Thanks!
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Oh boy, oh boy it's HERE!!!
What better way to relax after a hard month with one of these wonderful stories...
And it's long; I LOVE IT!!!
I really like the fight scene; it's really well written.
Not to mention Rallen, Jeena & Sarah; they're so hilarious!
Thank you for making me have a great start to a new month!!!
I really do want to see the scrapped comic idea; then again I like EVERYTHING you do even when I lack time to comment on them...
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go search how long & high a certain mural is in meter...
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for more!! (Seriously; I'm literally going to be counting the days till next update now... )
PS: Why do America use imperial system??? Both Korea & NZ uses the metric system so feet and stuff get me every time...
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Your responses never fail to make me smile. Yes, it is finally here; life gave me five minutes to type and edit.
Sorry you've had such a long month, at least we can start anew with August.
The chapters will hopefully always be this size; I aim for 3-6k a chapter. Enough time for you to really enjoy yourself.
I'm glad you enjoyed the fight, if you can really call it that. Poor Sarah, she has some work ahead of her. (But now the set up is done, I'm so excited!!!!)
I'll put it in my stash and link it to this comment so you'll know when I submit it. It is from way back when I thought I could make this a comic (lol no)
Because America that's why (I guess). I didn't even think of using a different measuring system so sorry about that.
I really want to make the next chapter perfect so I hope you love it when it comes out. It won't be nearly as long as that half year gap
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