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shift-null — Forget Tomorrow
Published: 2003-11-07 03:57:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 245; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 29
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Description Hear my plea today
And take away tomorrow
I can't take this pain
This empathy is a curse

All the truths were fake
I never saw this coming
Forgiveness come my way
Lets your thoughts forsake me ever

Grant my wish for the present
That I never see the future
Silence the voices in my veins
Free them from this body

I shall delude myself no more
Waking conscious from this nightmare
I will close my eyes forever
Sorrow, the reality I've known

Free my heart today
before I'm deceived by tomorrow
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Comments: 5

gon3woodstock [2003-11-12 19:43:46 +0000 UTC]

dude this is awshum! its rocks dem socks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Allegius [2003-11-10 13:34:46 +0000 UTC]

a few comments:

"Here my plea today" do you mean "hear"?

"Lets your thoughts forsake me ever" do you mean "let your thoughts" as if you're talking to the reader?

All in all though, I really like the poem. Just think that you should add some punctuation marks in there, commas, periods, colons... Right now it's all kinda jumbled together and could use a little bit of separation.

i like it though, can't wait to read more

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shift-null In reply to Allegius [2003-11-11 20:17:38 +0000 UTC]

^_^; My mistake, thanx for letting me know

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

locked-away [2003-11-07 22:18:54 +0000 UTC]

life brings many things we cant see and the future is always far away but as long as you have friends there with you it doesnt matter what happens ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Aliehs [2003-11-07 04:02:41 +0000 UTC]

Good poem. Has a nice rythm to it and all that. Keep up your writing!!

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