HOME | DD

Description
What can I say?
I'm thirteen.

I always wanted to fall in love, y'know?
From when I was three, I was completely certain
that I'd be like a fairy tale princess.
In love,
beautiful,
and loved back.

What can I say?
I'm thirteen now.

So, I guess you could say I got my wish.
I was twelve, and suddenly, the guy I was certain
that I'd never, ever like,
suddenly was very cute,
very nice,
and very appealing.

What can I say?
I was twelve.

There's almost no need to explain it,
that I'd fallen for him,
completely,
easily,
and stupidly.

What can I say?
I make mistakes.

So here I was, completely intent on showing I didn't like him
that I'd gone and make a huge idiot jerk out of myself,
without a thought,
without considering his feelings,
and without realizing what that'd do to our friendship.

What can I say?
I regret it completely.

I ended the school year with a such believable I-Hate-You,
that I'd really believed I hated him,
until I finally thought,
until I finally remembered,
and until I realized what I had done.

What can I say?
I honestly wish I could fix it.

So when I came back, I was so determined to be friends again
that I'd pretend I didn't like him,
look away from him,
ignore him,
and pretend he wasn't there.

What can I say?
I really wanted to be friends again.

Thankfully, he started forgiving me, making me feel so happy
that I'd let my guard fall to the point that he could see
how much I liked him,
how much he meant to me,
and how much I needed him around.

What can I say?
I loved him.

So I guess that kind of distanced hiim from me, so much
that I'd fallen to pieces in utter despair and sadness,
sobbing,
crying,
and breaking so much inside and out.

What can I say?
I thought he was my entire world.

That kind of set my friends on so much of an edge
that I'd accidentally made one of my so upset that she
emailed him,
yelled at him,
and let him know how much he meant to me.

What can I say?
I made another mistake.

So, since he wasn't an idiot, he figured it out so easily
that I'd no other reasonable choice [in my eyes] than
ignore him,
get away from him,
and never talk to him again.

What can I say?
I was at a loss.

He didn't like me, I loved him so much
that I'd give up everything for him
throw away my life,
lose everyone else,
and just have him.

What can I say?
I wish I can just stop this.

I want to squeeze this breaking heart back together so much
that I've begun making stupid, awful wishes,
like never falling for him,
like never meeting him,
and like never moving here to this amazing place.

What can I say?
I wanted to just stop completely.

I wish so badly that I could just forget him entirely
that I've ignored him completely,
sent him hateful glares,
stopped talking to him,
and just kept away.

What can I say?
I make yet another mistake.

He thinks I hate him, I bet, and it hurts so much
that I've cried every night before I sleep,
softly,
quietly,
but nevertheless heartbreakingly.

What can I say?
I still love him.

Every time I see him, I want to say something to him so badly
that I've had to burst into conversation with anyone,
randomly,
oddly,
and so strangely forcefully.

What can I say?
I'm thirteen.

This isn't the fairy tale love
that I've had in mind,
since the beginning,
since the start,
and since when I fell for him.