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Description
My Number One

Fandom: Homestuck
Characters: John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor
Pairing: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas
Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable. All characters are property of Andrew Hussie.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE FANDOM OR THE PAIRING, PLEASE DON'T READ IT AND THEN CRITICIZE ME FOR IT.

Karkat sighed as he logged out of Trollian. He didn't know what these feelings were, and it was making him disgruntled.  He really only noticed them when he was talking to John. He shook his head as he walked back to his respiteblock, not noticing the figure walking silently along behind him. When he got there, he was surprised when he couldn't close the door all the way. He looked down to see what was blocking the way and saw a foot. A foot with a white shoe on it. Karkat opened the door to yell at his intruder, and was instead met with a blank stare. He groaned.

"What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have programs to code or something?"

"How long?" Sollux asked.

"How long WHAT? What are you talking about, even?"

"How long have you been flushed for thith kid?"

Karkat growled. "His name is John, and I'm NOT flushed for the idiot. Now leave me the fuck alone. I'm not in the mood."

"Oh really?" Sollux let himself into Karkat's respiteblock, not caring that he was starting to get huffy because of the uninvited entry. "You're not flushed for him, huh? Becauthe the fact that you knew exactly what kid I wath talking about when there are four of them, not to mention the growl, kind of thayth otherwithe."

Karkat growled again, then sighed before trying to leave. Sollux wasn't having any of it, though, and kept the door firmly shut with his psionics. Karkat tried to pull the door open, but his attempts were futile. Sollux's psionics were powerful, and the door wouldn't budge. Karkat sighed, yet again, and went to lie down on his couch. It wasn't as comforting as his recuperacoon, but he wasn't going to sleep yet, either.

"KK, talk. What'th bothering you tho much? I hardly ever thee you being anything other than mopey lately, unleth you're really mad."

"I do NOT mope."

"Okay then… Tell me why you thuddenly don't care about the humanth hooking up with uth. Or why you thuddenly keep going to Rothe to talk about the thingle quadrantth humanth have."

"First of all, how the hell do you even know about me talking to Rose? Second of all, we've already been on this godforsaken rock FOR AN ENTIRE FUCKING SWEEP! And we still have another half a sweep left! What else are we supposed to do? Just sit around and twiddle our thumbs? Let the humans be dumb and hook up with whoever the fuck they want. I don't care anymore. Third, you're not my moirail. Gamzee is. So leave. Me. Alone."

Sollux gaped at Karkat. Normally by this point, he would ONLY be yelling, and there would be a hell of a lot more cursing than that. Whatever JN did, it was messing KK up bad. It might not necessarily be a bad thing, but it was still a drastic change.

"Well," Sollux said, backing out of the door, "look at it like thith. At leatht we only have half a sweep. Then you get to thee your human matethprit all you want." And with that, he was walking down the hallway again, with a smirk on his face.

Karkat's eyes went wide and a candy red blush was forming on his cheeks. He clambered out of bed and ran to the door, wrenching it open. He stared at Sollux's back before yelling at him.

"THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M FLUSHED FOR THAT STUPID IDIOT! ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!" When he was done yelling, he slammed his door shut, picked up a conveniently placed book, threw it at his wall, and screamed. He leaned his back against the door, sinking against the door and breathing heavily. "I'm NOT flushed for him. Right? I CAN'T be. I don't pity him… What is this stupid feeling? Why does my bloodpusher race whenever I think of him? Ugh! He's a gogdamned moron! I can't stand him!"

Before he could stop them, a few tears fell, staining his cheeks candy red. He rubbed his face dry and stood up. He had resolved to go see Rose (as insufferable as she could be sometimes, she knew more about the stupid human quadrant than anyone else on the stupid flying space rock) and opened the door to do just that when he stopped in his tracks.

"How long were you standing there?"

"Just long enough for you to profess to anyone within ear range that you don't actually know how you feel about John," Rose replied. Karkat groaned. "Just out of curiosity, do you actually hate him?"

"I don't know! You might as well come in, though. I was getting ready to go see you anyway." Karkat let her in, closing the door behind her. "I honestly don't know what the hell I'm feeling. One minute I pity him. The next minute I hate him. And then the minute after that I just want to be friends. And then he'll do something unbelievably STUPID that'll just make me want to pity him again!"

"Listening to this now, and also taking into account the numerous other rants that you've subjected me to pertaining to a certain Mr. John Egbert, it sounds to me like you are in love."

Karkat paused for a minute then asked, "What is love?"

Rose smirked briefly, thinking of the popular Haddaway song, before replying. "Do you remember all of those talks that we've had pertaining to the only quadrant humans have?"

"How could I NOT? It's pretty much all we talk about whenever we're in the same damn room."

"Yes, well. Love is the emotion that people deal with in that quadrant. It's somewhat like your red quadrant, and is actually related to a heart and the color red more than any other symbol or color, making them the most used color and symbol. Particularly around Valentine's Day, which is a day used to celebrate this emotion, or quadrant if you will."

"Okay, but you said 'somewhat'. What's different about it?"

"Love is somewhat…. All encompassing."

"…What?"

"It can make you feel any emotion towards your significant other while still wanting to be with him or her.  It can make you feel sorry for your significant other, or you can be mad at him or her for a completely stupid reason, or you can even be frustrated. But no matter what your current feelings are, you still want to be with that person no matter what. It also causes people to become possessive and protective, sometimes over-protective even. And if Sollux cackling and going on about 'KK growling at people' is anything to go by, you are actually feeling protective. Love is also very confusing, especially when you're actually the one experiencing it." Rose paused. "And you sound very confused."

"I AM confused! How can you have black feelings for your matesprit? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Well, it's not TRULY hate. You may dislike them for something they've done, but chances are you don't ACTUALLY hate them. And if you do, then you don't love them, and don't want to be with them."

"…So you're saying, and I can't believe I'm even entertaining this idea, that I'm in love with Egbert."

"Yes."

"You're a moron. But," he continued before Rose could interrupt him, "I can kind of see how that would make sense. I mean, I only pity him sometimes, but I still feel…attached to him somehow. And you're right, I do get kind of protective of him. I still don't get what that really MEANS, though, or how that affects our relationship or whatever the hell you want to call it. Especially if John's apparently 'not a homosexual', whatever the fuck that nonsensical word means."

"It means one who does not like someone of the same gender in a romantic way." Karkat gave her a blank stare. "Something you are. YOU are the same gender as John."

"So you're telling me that just because we're both MALE, that means that he won't or doesn't like me? How does something like that even exist?"

"That is precisely what that means. However, that is also the reason that I came to see you."

"To talk about how much he doesn't like me because I'm male?"

"Well, actually, he doesn't know anymore."

"What do you mean he doesn't know? How can he NOT KNOW? He either does like me, or he doesn't."

"Because he is only fifteen years old, and a lot of humans, the majority of them, actually, don't know what they want in regards to a relationship until they are quite a few years older than that. I'm not saying that it's not possible, because it is. It's just rare. So it's actually completely normal for him to not know. Although I get the feeling he's leaning more towards the homosexual side, rather than the not homosexual side."

Karkat's bloodpusher did a flip in his chest. "Oh yeah? And what's made you come to this conclusion?"

"Maybe the fact that whenever we talk he brings you up in some form, and he frequently tells me that he can't wait to meet you in person."

"… He talks about me?"

"Almost as often as you talk about him."

Karkat blinked back a few more tears, not wanting to get his hopes up in case it wasn't true. "So… You think he likes me?"

"Well, I think he likes you a lot and just hasn't realized it yet."

"Oh… Well. Thanks for… you know. Letting me know, I guess."

"What's this? The ever-angry Karkat Vantas is actually thanking someone?"

"Yeah, and don't get used to it. And don't tell ANYONE  about it, either. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye."

Karkat left and walked back to the lab. He logged back into Trollian and found that John was still on. He hesitated for a few minutes, trying to decide if he was actually going to initiate a conversation with him. After a few minutes, he made his decision.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: HEY EGBERT.
EB: oh, hey karkat.
EB: I thought you were getting off to go do some important stuff or something.
CG: WELL I'VE DONE IT, SO I'M BACK.
EB: oh, okay! well that's cool.
CG: ANYWAY, I'VE GOT A QUESTION.
EB: okay, shoot.
CG: WHAT?
EB: oh, it's a human thing. just ask away.
CG: WELL
CG: I WAS JUST WONDERING
CG: IF YOU WOULD EVER CONSIDER GOING OUT WITH ME
EB: …
CG: OR WHATEVER YOU HUMANS CALL IT.
EB: but karkat
CG: NOT A HOMOSEXUAL
CG: I KNOW.
CG: BUT IF YOU WERE
CG: DO YOU THINK THAT YOU'D LIKE ME?
EB: well
EB: actually
EB: i kind of wanted to talk to you about that.
EB: i've been thinking lately about how much i like you as a friend.

Karkat was starting to feel nauseous. John said "as a friend". Did this mean that he didn't like him? At this point, Karkat decided that he would just try to tell him how he was feeling. But first he had to figure that out for himself.

CG: WAIT JOHN.
CG: BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE
CG: I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
EB: what?
CG: ACTUALLY
CG: I CAN'T
CG: I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
EB: oh. okay then. i think that if i was a homosexual
EB: that i would actually really like you
EB: you know, like that.
CG: LIKE WHAT?
EB: like as a boyfriend or matesprite or whatever you call it
CG: MATESPRIT. GOG, YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY TO GET THE NAME RIGHT.
EB: yeah, that. i'm just saying that i don't really know how i'm feeling right now. but if i did like boys like that
EB: i think i'd like you more than anyone else.
CG: …
CG: WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAVE HUMAN?
EB: hehe
EB: he's not mine. he's just a human named dave that also happens to be my best bro.
CG: OH. OKAY THEN.
EB: that's it? just "okay then"?
CG: WELL IF YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY A HOMOSEXUAL, AND YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT I'D BE THE ONE YOU'D LIKE IF YOU WERE A HOMOSEXUAL , THEN HOW CAN ANYTHING ELSE APPLY HERE? YOU ALREADY SAID THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ME LIKE THAT. SO UNLESS YOU'RE CHANGING YOUR MIND AND TELLING ME THAT YOU DO ACTUALLY LIKE ME LIKE THAT, THEN THAT DOESN'T REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING, DOES IT?
EB: …
CG: UNLESS YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT.
CG: IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME? THAT YOU DID CHANGE YOUR MIND AND THAT YOU DO LIKE ME LIKE THAT?
EB: no.
CG: WELL
CG: OKAY THEN.
EB: okay then.
EB: but just so you know
EB: you're a really great guy
EB: troll
EB: whatever.
CG: UM
CG: THANKS. I GUESS.
EB: no, i mean it.
EB: you're a really great guy and anyone would be lucky to be with you.
EB: i just
EB: it can't be with me.
CG: …
EB: wait, don't get upset!
EB: that's not what i meant.
CG: WELL THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN?
CG: BECAUSE TO ME IT SOUNDED LIKE AN ALMOST CONFESSION
CG: THAT YOU QUICKLY RESCINDED.
EB: i meant not now. it can't be me right now. i don't even know what i'm feeling right now myself, so i definitely don't want to drag anyone else through it.
EB: so right now i just need to be single.
CG: …
EB: it would just be easier.
CG: ON WHOM, EXACTLY, DO YOU THINK WOULD THIS BE EASIER?
EB: oh man.
EB: i really don't mean to keep upsetting you karkat! i just think it would be easier on everyone.
CG: YOU'RE NOT UPSETTING ME, YOU IDIOT. YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT. THIS IS JUST RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. YOU KEEP SAYING THAT YOU'RE DOING THIS BECAUSE IT'LL MAKE IT EASIER ON EVERYONE, BUT IT WON'T. IT'LL ONLY GET HARDER.
EB: what are you talking about? i'm not running away from anything. i just think it'll be easier on everyone if i just stay away from relationships right now until i figure out my feelings.
EB: that way no one's feelings get hurt.
CG: LOOK, EGBERT. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
EB: yes
EB: well
EB: i mean
EB: i think so
CG: WELL THEN WHY NOT GIVE THAT PERSON A CHANCE? I MEAN, IF IT'S A GIRL, AND EVERYTHING WORKS OUT, AND YOU NEVER THINK OF A BOY LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE NOT A HOMOSEXUAL. IF IT'S A BOY, AND YOU NEVER THINK OF A GIRL LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL. IF IT'S EITHER ONE OF THOSE, AND YOU STILL THINK ABOUT THE OPPOSITE ONE LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS YOU LIKE BOTH. THERE YOU GO. PROBLEM SOLVED.
EB: …
EB: you make this sound so easy.
EB: it's not that easy.
CG: HOW IS IT NOT THAT EASY, EGBERT? I JUST FUCKING EXPLAINED TO YOU HOW EASY IT IS.
EB: it's just not.
CG: …
CG: I HATE YOU.
EB: platonically?
CG: NO.
EB: …
EB: okay then
EB: i think that i might actually follow this advice.
CG: …
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SERIOUS. THAT YOU'RE NOT JUST TRYING TO UP YOUR PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.
EB: no, i am serious.
EB: but i think that i need to think about it first.
CG: THIS AGAIN? HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT? SERIOUSLY, WE JUST HAD THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION ALREADY.
EB: just
EB: please
EB: i promise i'll make it my number one priority on my list of things to think about.
CG: UGH. FINE. WELL LET ME KNOW WHAT YOUR DECISION IS WHEN YOU MAKE IT SO I CAN CONGRATULATE THE HAPPY COUPLE OR WHATEVER IS APPROPRIATE IN YOUR STUPID HUMAN CUSTOMS FOR WHATEVER STUPID HUMAN DECISION YOU MAKE.
EB: uh. sure.
EB: well
EB: i have to go…
EB: do stuff…
CG: YEAH. ME TOO.
EB: bye then.
CG: BYE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

Karkat logged out of Trollian and got up. He started to walk back to his respiteblock (again) when he saw Dave leaning against the wall, talking to Terezi. Oh HELL no. If anyone could or would mess this up, it would be Dave. And he'd probably just do it for shits and giggles. Because it's "ironic" or whatever. So Karkat started walking over to him. He wasn't sure, because of those stupid hipster shades, but Karkat thought that Dave might have been following with his eyes until he was about a foot away.

"You," Karkat started, looking at Dave menacingly. "John has an important decision to make right now, and if I ever find out that you had any part in influencing his decision AT ALL, I will personally incapacitate you in whatever way necessary and place you bound and gagged on the floor at my moirail's feet for him to do whatever the fuck he wants with you." At that, Karkat stormed away, heading back to his respiteblock.

Terezi turned her head away from where she heard Karkat's footsteps in order to face Dave's direction again. "What was that all about?"

Dave shrugged. "Not a clue."

Once Karkat was back in his respiteblock, he got ready to go to sleep and climbed into his recuperacoon. He sighed and leaned his head against the side of it before speaking quietly to himself. "You're lying John, when you say that it would be easier on everyone. It won't be. Not on me. Don't you know you're my number one?" Karkat sighed again, drifting off to sleep.