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Published: 2007-07-07 20:17:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 461; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 6
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Description
guns pour downjust like
overloaded prognosis
as the clouds disappear and I am left with bluesky.
( look at my hair now,
it's a dirty little wig.
and my plexiglass mask has a crack down the side )
( I said : "I'll build you a better chair, where you can sit and burn down buildings")
(and you said: "fine, whatever, I'll sit here and eat paint." )
and I burn you down like bonfires
as you sit and eat chamberglass.
and I know you've been friends with doves
for quite some time now
but what eludes me is how you deny it.
and the fact is
you learn to be indifferent.
so stop screaming "HARK!" at the first sign of a bonfire
( you said "look here, dear, the sun is setting"
I said
"I'll cover you with wax and wait for your soul to fall out."
but the fact is, that won't do, you're flameproof.
covered in Hexabromocyclododecane )
so stop learning to write letters
the ink only smears
( and ends up
streaked across the bathroom wall )
it's starting
to appear
as if the sun is runningoutofgas
becuase you shake when it rises,
and faint when it sets.
and that burning little ball of gas, doesn't look so bright any more.
--- ( covered in
Hexabromocyclododecane )
( AND IN A FIT OF FRENZY, YOU SAID
"look here, dear, the sun is rising"
andIsaid:
"I realize that the time is right, but right now I'm nowhere and the stars will always be there" )
and so I
coveredyouinwax
and burnt you down like rainforests,
hoping for a soul to fall out
but all that I
got
was
Hexabromocyclododecane
SOMETIMES, I WONDER -
why my window is transparent instead of opaque.
becuase IT OVERLOOKS THE POOL IN MY NEIGHBOR'S YARD.
and i've always been aquaphobic, ever since the 14th of June
and I drink cyanide with my red wine
(most of the time)
but tonight that's failing
and all I have
to sooth my brain
is a tiny bottle of hexabromocyclodecane.
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Comments: 6
Lalamags [2008-01-15 00:28:01 +0000 UTC]
I must admit that I don't understand it very well, but I thought it was great and fun to read. ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tetrarchangel [2007-07-07 21:23:27 +0000 UTC]
This is a work of inspiration and originality.
The very tagline, the eponymous hexabromocyclododecane provides a curiosity, and a metaphor.
I don't believe the unusual spacing is necessary, though it does resemble the chaotic domestic surrealism of Summer With Monika, but the fusion of words like 'bluesky' is an effective technique, and the narrative nature of the poem is excellent - a veiled dialogue and a back story - it's a prose poem caught in great articulacy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
spacesuitcatalyst In reply to tetrarchangel [2007-07-08 03:45:20 +0000 UTC]
Thanks . Might I add as well that your very comment is a work of art in itself. It sounds like something I'd read in a book review, especially the last line.
I'd hate to give it away (I had meant to leave it up to the reader to discover), but Hexabromocyclododecane is actually a real chemical, commonly used to fireproof material. Nonetheless, I did attempt (and judging by your opinion, succeeded) to use it as a strong, central metaphor.
The unusual spacing is meant to skitter-skatter around the page like the thoughts of the narrator, to give a sense of confusion, thought, rhythm, and yes, in way, surrealism. And while I admit that I may have overdone it at times, I feel that much of it is necessary. Remove the spacing and, to me, the poem ends up a lot less interesting.
I'm not familiar with "Summer With Monica", and the Wikipedia entry isn't helping. Care to explain?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tetrarchangel In reply to spacesuitcatalyst [2007-07-12 16:31:01 +0000 UTC]
Thank you and a pleasure.
I believe in words as their own form in poetry, and anything on top, rhyme, lines, enjambement, etc., but that is an artistic standpoint. Summer with Monika is an extended poem by Roger McGough (filmed by Ingmar Bergman), and turns his surrealist children's writing into surrealist bleak adult relationship falling apart.
I looked up HBCD on wikipedia pretty much straight away - apparently its very useful. How did you come across it? I used organic chemistry briefly in a poem: [link]
But not relating the chemistry to the poem. It's something I'm going to think about.
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