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TCPolecat7 — A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 17
Published: 2013-02-18 12:32:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 1975; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 188
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MLP (c) HasbroAnd up we go with 17. This is a pretty heavily focused chapter, focusing mostly on Verdigris and what affects she's had on the world so far... Personally I'm rather happy with it, even if it does clock in as the shortest chapter in all of Book 2. At 8k words, it is only larger than the Prologue (and most likely the Epilogue when I reach it).
As always, comments, critiques, and feedback are appreciated and encouraged.
- Polecat
G-docs link: [link]
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Comments: 24
Glad you liked it.
- Polecat
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I really hope i'm right about the Prince's group not being inherently evil. I don't care what happens to Crosswind and Burner. Junkyard and Kaos seem like good guys, but I wouldn't cry if they were taken out in a climactic battle. I just don't want Zilch to end up on the wrong side when the @#$% hits the fan.
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I will refrain from commenting on this. I don't want to give away future plot points.
- Polecat
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page 2, 1st paragraph: She >>was<< instead was surprised...
page 3, paragraph before last: ...seen many better days, and >>"a" missing<< toy chest with fading and peeling paint.
page 3, last paragraph: ...this time >>another "a" missing<< spring operated frog whose spring had long since sprung.
page 16, 2nd half: ...the night patrol snagged me and took >>"me" missing?<< home...
Also I was wondering... is there a reason why you are not on fimfiction?
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Only the first one is incorrect. I don't see the need for a "was" there for the flow of the text. The rest, yeah, I missed 'em.
And yes. FimFic is a sewer that hosts some stories I find downright unconscionable to even consider reading, much less can't imagine writing. I refuse to associate my work on a site that is willing to condone such things as underaged characters partaking in sexual activities, rape, torture, and the like. And before you ask, yes I've seen fics like that there, some of which even as their daily recommendations (or whatever it's called). I won't be associated with that.
- Polecat
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No the "was" was too much... guess I forgot to mention that.
As for fimfic yeah I see your point. But thats kinda like not putting your videos on youtube because other people post crap.
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Youtube tries to police their stuff, however. Fimfic does not. That's the difference. If Fimfic was seeking out stuff like that and removing it from the site when found, I'd not be so hard on them, but because they are not just permitting, but ENCOURAGING, it, I simply refuse to post my work there. I don't want that crap associated with what I'm doing in any way, shape, or form.
- Polecat
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Feels. Feels are good.
The only error I remembered up to this point was that you appear to keep changing Filigree's father's name. You keep switching between Slate and Shale.
Other than that, just keep up the good work!
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Shale is the father, as I listed it earlier... I don't recall swapping it to Slate. O.o
Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.
- Polecat
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It's kinda back and forth for a couple paragraphs. It's easy to get them confused, unless you're a geologist.
I'm glad I liked it, too.
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Maybe after all the heat and pressure he's going through he'll be worthy of the name Shale? He could gain some clevage too.
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[link]
Ha ha, geology humor.
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I've been studying for 4 years, I have the right to make schisty rock rock jokes whenever I want.
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Great chapter and it's good to see what Verdigris's talent is. Loving the relationship between her and Zilch. This chapter also addressed something I've been hoping it would which is Verdigris being somewhat wary of the group she is with. I was worried at first she wouldn't realize at all that they may not be good. Fun to see Eclipse rant about his new scar. Actually had to think back for a few and remember where he got that, hehe. Looking forward to see what happens next. Keep up the great work.
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Glad you liked it. Yeah, Verdi and Zilch are a fun pairing. Yeah, Verdi is SMART, and she's had to deal with a lot that no child should, so she's not the quickest to trust. Yeah, Eclipse's scene there was sort of an acknowledgment he also fell into the old Villain trope of tossing a hero into a situation, and expecting them to die. I think someone even mentioned when he did that how dumb it was...
- Polecat
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Rest chapters in dark fiction are good: too much speed for too long can leave the reader velocitized, numbed to all the terrible things that happen to the character (and usually results in characters having frequent and often huge meltdowns).
Need to have a time that reminds them that it's not all war and fighting, that there aren't always eyes in the shadows and daggers at their backs. A time that lets them remember that what they have is really worth fighting for.
So yeah. Chapter. I liked.
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I literally said that one in Book 1 when Sweetie Belle was telling stories about "the good old days" to Clockwork... ^_^
- Polecat
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Huh... Zilch is a hard one to pin down the motivations of... good that she's being a friend to Verdigris though, and letting her have that moment to let the floodgates open.
And that is very interesting Verdegris was able to leave that lasting wound on Eclipse somehow...
Annnd Shale/Patina continue to be idiots/douches, no surprises there...
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Heh. Well Zilch is technically only 6 years old... no matter how you cut it, she's still a kid.
Aye. I didn't plan to do that initially, but one of my editors made the very suggestion that Eclipse and Goldtalon scoffed at, and I decided to run with it.
No surprise...
- Polecat
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Plus I'm sure he looks fetching with a scar.
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In my mind's eye, he just looks more evil.
- Polecat
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Verdigris and Zilch are BFF's. I guess abandoment issues are going to be a theme for Verdigris, at least she can make up with her sister as the only real thing Filligree did that was wrong was leaving her young sister with their truly thrice cursed family. Well you hit one of my many red flags with Eclipse there, just watch out for the mines.
Spectrum is not a colt, thus one instance of pronoun failure. I'm not the greatest at catching writing mistakes, I think Filligree will throw herself in front of a moving bus at that point just to see her sister again.
Last Thoughts: This chapter happens to have a very cuddly feel to it. Though short it makes you have the 'feels' and the fact that Zilch has her own little home away from home makes sense, since she isn't exactly blindly trusting after all the experiments performed on her. Opening up to Verdigris was probably one of the harder things to do for the aperture pony who does what she must, because she can.
Twilights an alicorn... also it is to note that the writers haven't made a great use of griffons and I bet season 4 involves them in some way. They did after all spend an entire episode on donkeys who have been in the background multiple times. Griffons only had one feature in a episode and even then not prominently and then there was Gustav from train mystery.
I have a really interesting question, do you think the writers for My Little Pony have played the Paper Mario series? Or just happen to be Mario fans? I have kind of a running theory about it, not to mention crystal hearts and thousand years sealed evil in a can in the form of a princess covered in darkness.
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Well Zilch and Verdi are relatively close in age. Abandonment issues aren't an intentional theme, but given what's happened to her, it makes sense that it'd be there in some way. And yes, Eclipse realized what he did was a mistake. I said (I forget to who) that he knew it.
Yeah, musta messed up there. A speeding bus wouldn't exactly hurt Filigree all that much, but you are correct.
Cuddly feel? Sure, I can see that. And yeah, both girls have some trust issues too.
Twicorn? I didn't mind it too much, tho the episode felt more like it was originally designed to be the series finale. Gryphons are underused, but the show title is "My Little PONY", not my little gryphon....
I don't know. I only played one of those games, and even then not very far.
- Polecat
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