HOME | DD

Description
Hair pulling, skin picking, scars, bumps, sores, infections, ... and shame

I suffer from "Body Dysmorphic Disorder".

BDD makes me feel like I can't hold myself together. Everything that is a part of me is messed up in some way. I feel like a monster. Like I shouldn't even have a face.

I can't even talk to friends and family about it. I'm too damned ashamed. If they try to comfort me I pull away and draw in on myself. I hide it from them all. Cram all my problems behind a mask made of exuberance and optimism.

"None of them really want to hear your problems." my mind whispers to me "It'll all just annoy them. You'll loose them that way."

My body image is disjointed and crippling. Parts of me are incomplete and withered, while others are unraveling or ensnared by my perceived flaws.

Yet I am still proud of this deviation. Not only was it more complex than anything I'd done before, I finally worked up the nerve to post something broaching the subject of my mental health. That subject is something I have been ashamed of for nearly thirteen years. Just the fact that I was strong enough to click submit showed me that, yes, I can work to make myself better.

Update: 10-2-10

Seriously, how could there be such a high concentration of awesome people on one website? You all seriously rock and your comments have left me practically speechless. (Trust me that's a feat in and of itself.)

Description
Hair pulling, skin picking, scars, bumps, sores, infections, ... and shame

I suffer from "Body Dysmorphic Disorder".

BDD makes me feel like I can't hold myself together. Everything that is a part of me is messed up in some way. I feel like a monster. Like I shouldn't even have a face.

I can't even talk to friends and family about it. I'm too damned ashamed. If they try to comfort me I pull away and draw in on myself. I hide it from them all. Cram all my problems behind a mask made of exuberance and optimism.

"None of them really want to hear your problems." my mind whispers to me "It'll all just annoy them. You'll loose them that way."

My body image is disjointed and crippling. Parts of me are incomplete and withered, while others are unraveling or ensnared by my perceived flaws.

Yet I am still proud of this deviation. Not only was it more complex than anything I'd done before, I finally worked up the nerve to post something broaching the subject of my mental health. That subject is something I have been ashamed of for nearly thirteen years. Just the fact that I was strong enough to click submit showed me that, yes, I can work to make myself better.

Update: 10-2-10

Seriously, how could there be such a high concentration of awesome people on one website? You all seriously rock and your comments have left me practically speechless. (Trust me that's a feat in and of itself.)