HOME | DD
TheChainsawUnicorn —
Monster via Dismorphia
Published: 2010-06-30 16:01:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 17842; Favourites: 515; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Hair pulling, skin picking, scars, bumps, sores, infections, ... and shameI suffer from "Body Dysmorphic Disorder".
BDD makes me feel like I can't hold myself together. Everything that is a part of me is messed up in some way. I feel like a monster. Like I shouldn't even have a face.
I can't even talk to friends and family about it. I'm too damned ashamed. If they try to comfort me I pull away and draw in on myself. I hide it from them all. Cram all my problems behind a mask made of exuberance and optimism.
"None of them really want to hear your problems." my mind whispers to me "It'll all just annoy them. You'll loose them that way."
My body image is disjointed and crippling. Parts of me are incomplete and withered, while others are unraveling or ensnared by my perceived flaws.
Yet I am still proud of this deviation. Not only was it more complex than anything I'd done before, I finally worked up the nerve to post something broaching the subject of my mental health. That subject is something I have been ashamed of for nearly thirteen years. Just the fact that I was strong enough to click submit showed me that, yes, I can work to make myself better.
Update: 10-2-10
Seriously, how could there be such a high concentration of awesome people on one website? You all seriously rock and your comments have left me practically speechless. (Trust me that's a feat in and of itself.)
Related content
Comments: 52
The sheer beauty in this piece... I am speechless...
Stay strong.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you for the encouragement.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Anything to help.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
be proud of the strength that you've shown and have.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow this piece is so inspirational. I too suffer from alot of mental illnesses and i felt to scared to anyone about them, but you had the courage to do it. It makes me feel more confident, thank you 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
beautifully done. I love the flow and the character. I can tell a lot of passion went into this. And best of luck on your end. I'm sure you'll do much better than you think you will
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this is amazing. this is something that i would expect to see in an art museum. i would love to have this hangin on my wall. keep up the amazing work my friend.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm soo glad you have come to such a good outlook on things! i must say, even though i don't know you at all, i am very proud of you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This art is amazing, your art shows then innner you which is complex and beautiful
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thanks for sharing... I'm a skin picker too, and I do art about it occasionally as well. Stay strong, you're not alone!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is amazing.
I pull out my hair (Trichotillomania) and I think you are a very,very brave : )
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I am speechless, well, other than that and this at least.
Just know that I'll be praying for you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You and your picture show how you don't need to fit within the standard picture of beauty to be absolutely amazing. Shine on.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I can relate to this picture a lot, it's beautifully done as a representation, and the movement is wonderful too. I'm glad you were able to post this
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is so fluid and elegant. You write what you feel as powerfully as you draw it - you are right to be proud.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Believe it or not, it took me nearly three hours to write the artist comment. I was so nervous that whenever I tried to type my hands would start shaking. I'd type a little bit, get digusted, delete it all, and start back over.
It's a bit silly now that I think about it. I am ecstatic that in the end I was able to speak, and draw, from the heart... and that everyone was able to understand what I was trying to convey.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It's hard to find the right words sometimes, but the fact that you were determined enough to try again says a lot. It's really amazing how much of yourself you put into this - I doubt I could be that open about something as personal.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Of course you won't lose them! That's what friends are for. If they'd be annoyed, that just means they weren't really friends, just a companions of only joy. I bet you have true friends that are upset you don't tell them how and what do you really feel - it can be really frustrating to feel useless, not being unable to help because not knowing what's wrong. I always feel that way when my friends hide their problems, not wanting to make me worried... But trust me, this way I'm even more worried. Same should go to family... Mine never helps me, when I feel terrible, when I start crying they start shouting; but family is one never gets to choose and that's where the friends come in, saving me
You have the courage and strength, and faith - and that's really great! Just try opening up a bit to your close ones and fight - I'm sure you'll win! *hugs you warmly*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well shit, I'll have to tackle Schizoaffective Disorder in my next art piece then.
Wonderful message. I will say this: Don't let your mind keep you from living a happy life. If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that support from others is all well and good, but support from yourself can be the difference between well-being and crippling despair.
Stay strong. Grow stronger. Love life. Live the way you want to. No one will hold you back but yourself. Conquer yourself, and anything is possible.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is beautiful.... The lines, the texture, the simplicity, yet complexity of the message...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't know what to say...
You bore your soul through this wondrous community, and we all care a great deal that you did. When I read the description here, I kind of compared it all to myself... in a different way. I looked at all my issues with the fact that I, too, am self loathing, and I feel that not a damn person really gets it. It pisses me off that people don't really see me for what I really am, but I am not here to complain to you that no one understands this as much as they would like to conceivably think, however, I bow to you, sir or madam, for posting what you did and showing that it is possible to overcome what seems to be the insurmountable.
Thank you so much, and good job on the work you submitted. I really admire you for this all.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
+1 Beautiful, amazing, and your always need to remember, you can do -anything-. Keep pushing yourself.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I think my art is just one of many examples, of course, that I myself can do anything... and the same would go for MaceBordue, of course.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is absolutly gorgeous, and the power that this picture has is amazing! I could never hope to understand, but this picture brings me that much closer to getting it. It's organic and elegant and beautiful--I absolutly love it! All my love to ya!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is beyond beautiful. Love what you did with this, and good for you for having the courage to post this. Good luck in the future~
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Astonishing and beautiful artwork! Moreover, I admire your courage in posting this, and I hope things get better for you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Your use of colors and lines is incredible. I hope you some day find peace within yourself. Thank you so much for sharing!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very nice work! The way it submerges itself with other things is amazing, and the image gets you thinking for some reason! Love it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Beautiful! And it's wonderful that you were able to tell the world about yourself ^^ I congratulate you for that courage
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is a gorgeous work of art. And I admire you for having the courage to post your artwork and to confess your condition. I have bipolar disorder and chronic depression, so I know a little of how it feels to believe that no one is interested in my problems. And your courage pays off--you are such a talented artist and congratulations on the DD! Be strong always!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I am in sorrow at your pain. I can relate to that feeling that no one would care to hear. I hope you get better, because it is a mind thing. It's just really difficult...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. It's a very powerful and expressive drawing, and I feel like I can relate to it. (I don't have BDD, but I've had other body image-related issues for a few years, and when my mental health was in a really bad place I drew some semi-abstract pictures with a similar theme. I found it to be really helpful to get those feelings on paper, too.) I love how the abstracted, fractured, disintegrating figure and the anguished-looking colors convey a sense of confusion and uncertainty, like a self-image that's constantly in flux. I'm glad you were feeling brave enough to post this, and congratulations on the DD, too!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Pain is the first thing that comes to mind when I see this. I love to see this kind of imaginative work that doesn't appear that often. What's even rarer is to see work by someone who can actually express how they feel in a drawing or painting, etc. I try to do this myself, and it makes me realise just how crazy emotions really are.
Beautiful, elegant art. ^_^ Well done!
-DoctorInk
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You've got nothing to be ashamed of.You didn't get to chose your body.Try to keep a calm and peaceful mind because this is honestly a wonderful piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is truly beautiful!
It's so courageous to do this with BDD
I hope for the best in your future!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
To me that monster is beautiful. It seems quite human because it seems to be in conflict with itself. This is full of emotions.
I hope you can feel better and talk about it with your friends and familyt
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You can and you have! And keep sharing. Both through word and art. Your family, and friends, and fellow artists do care. How can we not? We've all been there. Our struggles needn't be the same for us to see ourselves in your story or your work, and be moved.
This illustration is amazing! Here is one conflicted but evolving. Tortured but moving forward. I am, quite simply, awestruck.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>