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"Ha ha this is strange, but here goes…" you make a few signs, imitating the pictures you found online. Karkat does the same next you. You're both starting with the alphabet, going slow memorizing them together. "This is kind of fun," you tell him, but he just rolls eyes and shoves you off the bed. "Karkat," you pout, "we were making progress."

CG: IT'S GOING TO TAKE FOREVER, WE SHOULD JUST STOP NOW.

"Karkat." you say climbing back up. "Don't give up." He watches you go back to the screen and continue making signs. You feel his shoulder brush against yours and he's beside you following your hand movements. Smiling you lean against his shoulder and reassure him.

This continues for a few days, you admit you're finding it really fun, but Karkat doesn't seem to enjoy it at all. It was like he was doing this only to please you. "Karkat…" you start one day, "do you like doing this?" He turns to you and you see him throw up a quick sign, you read it as "no". Your heart sinks. "Do you want to stop?" He quickly signs "yes" then "no". He just stares at you. "Karkat?"

CG: I DON'T KNOW, OK?

He finally brings out his phone and types quickly.

CG: I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY SEE THE POINT. BUT, YOU SEEM TO LIKE IT.

"Karkat, this isn't about me liking it, it's about you. Sure, I think it's pretty fun, but I bet it'll come in handy too!" You watched him roll his eyes. "If you really don't want to, we don't have to."

He looks at you for a while, and then turns his attention back to the screen and making more signs. Truthfully, you're not even sure you're learning it right. With only the internet as your guide you begin to doubt if this idea of yours will even work. But you both stick with it, and the days seem to melt by.

Karkat sticks to using his phone for pretty much everything. You actually find out that it isn't a phone, but rather a custom portable version of trollian that he made right after entering the game. He may speak with it, but you also realize that not everybody listens. You can't count how many times Karkat will be in a room with the other trolls who are all speaking Alternian, and he types something only to be ignored over and over again.

One such time you're sitting with him. He was trying to say something, but no matter how many times he hit enter and everyone would get the alert tone no troll would even glance your direction. Karkat furrowed his eyebrows and glared. Then his expression changed his ears went back and he bared his teeth. Finally his ears dipped down and he sighed standing up and leaving the room. You stood and followed him. "Karkat wait up!" He turned and you thought you'd see a glare, instead were tears. "Karkat?" He quickly wiped them away and walked quickly to your room. There was no hesitation in your step when you followed him.

The troll was sitting on his bed, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. He even stole yours. He flashed his teeth at you when you walked up. "Karkat, like that's really going to stop me." You sit right next to and him don't say anything for a while. It turns out he breaks the silence for you.

CG: I FUCKING HATE THIS.

"Hate what?" You ask looking at your computer screen as lean on him.

CG: HOW I'M IGNORED. IT'S DEGRADING. AND IT'S…

"Karkat?" You put a careful arm around him.

CG: EMBARRASSING. AND IT PISSES ME OFF. AND…
CG: AND I CAN'T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT.
CG: I HATE IT SO MUCH. I HATE BEING POWERLESS. I LOATHE BEING IGNORED.
CG: IT'S LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE.

"Karkat, I know you're here." He gave another silent chuckle.

CG: YOU DON'T COUNT EGDERP.

You were going to protest but instead he leaned against you.

CG: IT ALSO MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOT EVEN A TROLL.

"What do you mean?" You brush past his horns, making him shiver and say, "You have the horns, the skin, your eyes, ears, teeth, you're totally a troll."

CG: NO. YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T GET IT.
CG: TAKE A MINUTE AND ACTUALLY FUCKING LISTEN TO TROLLS.
CG: OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND SEE HOW WE COMMUNICATE AWAY FROM YOUR BRAIN-DEAD SPECIES.

The troll clenched his fists and continued typing.

CG: IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, TROLLS COMMUNICATE IN MORE WAYS THAN JUST SPEAKING. WE MAKE SO MANY OTHER SOUNDS, SUBTLE ONES THAT DESCRIBE OUR EVERY EMOTION. AND I CAN'T DO ANY OF THEM.
CG: I'M ABOUT AS WORTHLESS AS THEY FUCKING GET.
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL AROUND THE OTHERS JOHN.
CG: I FEEL SO ALIEN.

"Karkat," You dump your computer on the floor and worm your way into his cocoon of blankets. "I thought you didn't mind being mute? That's what you said when we first met."

He allowed you to sit next to him and pull him close. The troll beside you was still shaking.

CG: I WAS OKAY WITH IT. AT FIRST.
CG: MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE BEEN ALONE, I'VE NEVER HAD TO SPEAK.
CG: SO IT NEVER BOTHERED ME THAT I COULDN'T.
CG: BUT NOW…
CG: WHEN I'M AROUND EVERYONE ELSE I FINALLY NOTICED HOW DIFFERENT I AM.
CG: HOW FUCKED I AM.
CG: AND IT HURTS SO DAMN MUCH.
CG: I WAS FINE WITH IT UNTIL IT MATTERED.
CG: FUCKING FIGURES.
CG: YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING UNTIL YOU REALIZE IT'S GONE.

You noticed he was crying, the small red tears dripping from his eyes, you didn't know what to say. What could you say? There wasn't anything you could do about it, it's not like one day he'd just start talking. The troll beside you had come to the conclusion that he is different, and it actually mattered. Hugging him close was about the only thing you could do for him. He made a gasping noise when he cried, like he couldn't breathe. Slowly he turned to you and clung to your chest, leaving his portable trollian somewhere in the pile of blankets.

His eyes were still puffy from crying but eventually the two of you emerged from the blankets embrace. Carefully you lifted him up and tugged him along to the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?" You asked him. The troll searched around for him phone and froze. "Did you leave it in the room?" He nodded. "Do you want to go back?" He shrugged and signed "no". "Ok, what should I make? Have any ideas?" The troll rolled his eyes and stood next to you. He poked you and motioned with his hands in the classic "I don't care" pose.

"Soup it is then! I'll make a bunch, that way we can have it tomorrow too." You rummaged through the fridge looking for things to throw in the pot. Karkat was beside you still and grabbed a few Alternian items you weren't familiar with. "Do you want to help?" He threw back a sign for "yes" and grabbed a cutting board. You decided to fill the pot with water and start heating it up. "Hey I knew learning sign language would be helpful." He rolled his eyes and started chopping up vegetables. "Do those even taste good?" He signed "yes" again and grabbed some of the earth foods you pulled out. "This is going to be good I know it!" Karkat looked over at you clearly giving you the "I doubt it look." "Oh shoosh, it is." He grinned, "Hey at least soup is easy." He snorted, "It is!" You gently pushed him and were rewarded with a tomato to the head. "Karkat!" He was already doing his weird silent laugh.

The two of you continued to chop vegetables and fry the meat. "Karkat we should just fry everything. I could go grab the oil, unless you really wanted soup." He shrugged and poked you again. You figured that meant it was up to you. Scrapping the idea of soup you reach for some cooking oil and begin to fry up the vegetables. Karkat watches you amused, "I learned to cook from my dad," you tell him, "he taught me a lot." The troll nods and steps in to cook the Alternian parts of the meal. When you're done there is a huge pan of food ready to eat. "This looks awesome!" Karkat nods and gets out plates and helps you serve. He sits down and eats eagerly.

You eat too, even the bits of troll food. They were good, it was a perfect mix, you glanced over at the troll, he must have known exactly what to mix to make it all work. It was pretty cool. You thought about the fact that the vegetables could mix so well, and that maybe trolls were the same, they could mix with humans. It was an idea you entertained for the duration of the meal. Karkat was really easy to get along with, you understood him.

He was washing dishes when a voice sounded from behind. "Hey Karkat! What are you up to?"

Once again you could see him roll his eyes and turn around. He moved away from the sink and walked over to Terezi. He made it obvious he didn't have his trollian on him and walked back to you.

"Oh, so you can't talk?"

You cut in harshly, "Not that you ever listen."

"Rude." She frowned.

"Truth."

"Don't try to act like you know how it is between us. Like you've known us your whole life."

"Well in an odd way, I have. Or at least, Karkat has." You step back and put an arm around the smaller troll, "And you know what? From what I've seen these past few weeks I do know how things work. I probably know more about Karkat than you do."

"If you do it's because the dumb-ass never speaks up, he never tells us anything."

"Maybe because he knew no one would care, or listen." Suddenly you were elbowed roughly in the side. Karkat glared up at you, telling you with his eyes to stop talking. "Whatever, it's not my place."

Terezi left not saying anything else; Karkat went back to doing dishes. "Why'd you stop me?" Instead of answering he leaned against your side. You decided not to press him any further until he had a better way of communicating that wasn't poking you or rolling his eyes. You flop back down on his bed and motion for him to follow. He digs out the phone he left in the blankets and turns on his TV. "So, you wanna talk about anything?"

You could feel him take a deep breath and exhale.

CG: NOT REALLY.

"Then why'd you stop me?"

CG: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE FIGHTING OCCUR OVER THIS.
CG: IT'S STUPID.
CG: YOU TWO ARE BOTH MY FRIENDS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING ARGUE OVER SHIT LIKE THIS.
CG: THAT'S WHY I STOPPED YOU.

"So, you don't want me to stick up for you?"

CG: IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

"It really wasn't my place then?"

Karkat typed something out quickly but deleted it just as fast; you couldn't catch what it said. Instead he flopped on top of you and went limp.

"Karkat! You're heavy."

He ignored you and hit play on the DVD player.

"Karkat I'm not ready for bed yet."

He pulled the blanket over the both your bodies.

"Karkat I'm serious, I'm not ready for sleep."

You gave up; there was no way you were leaving now.

---

Karkat was on top of the stupid human that made him feel like he belonged. There was no way he'd ever tell the boy how he felt, he didn't want to ruin what they had. Instead, when he was certain that John had fallen asleep he looked at the screen of his phone and retyped the message he deleted so rapidly.

CG: IT COULD BE YOUR PLACE.

---

You and Karkat were walking down the hall laughing, your arm was around his neck and you were reading his screen over his shoulder. "Oh come on it's a great idea!" You continue, "We'll just shove them all into a room and say 'No one gets to breathe if Karkat can't talk!'"

CG: THAT'S SO ABUSING YOUR POWERS AS A GOD.

You shove him gently and he head-butts you. "Dude it's a great idea. I bet they'd all learn sign language real quick!" You both start laughing till tears are streaming down your face.

CG: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOU CAN'T THREATEN TO TAKE EVERYONE'S AIR AWAY.

"I know Karkat." You lean against him again causing the troll to stumble a bit. "Hey at least you got me, I'll listen!"

CG: YEAH I KNOW THAT.
CG: THANKS FOR LISTENING. FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, YOU'VE MADE ME PRETTY FUCKING HAPPY.

"Yeah," You ruffle his hair and walk ahead, "you've made me happy too." You spun around and faced him, "It takes two to be friend-leaders!" You saw the troll smirk and catch back up to you. "And you're a pretty amazing friend-leader Karkat."

CG: HEY JOHN?
CG: WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO NICE TO ME IF I WASN'T MUTE?

"What kind of question is that?"

CG: SHUT UP, I'M SERIOUS.

"Uh I guess so. I mean you're Karkat no matter what. You'd still be the same, so I'd still get along with you. I'm sure we'd still be great friends. What brought that on?"

CG: NOTHING. IT WASN'T ANYTHING IMPORTANT.
CG: FORGET I FUCKING SAID ANYTHING.

"Karkat…You're being odd today."

CG: NO I'M FINE. IT'S OK.

"If you say so," You resumed walking with an arm around him.

CG: JOHN.

"Yeah?"

CG: TODAY, DON'T GET IN THE WAY, AND DON'T STOP ME.
CG: I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO DO.

"Uh ok…" You were worried, and you hoped your voice conveyed it, but with Karkat, you just never knew.

Everyone was gathered in the main room when you and Karkat entered. He sent a few short messages out, all of which were ignored. You were going to put a hand on his shoulder and say something, but before you could a sickle appeared in his hand.

CG: ATTENTION IDIOTS.
CG: SO CALLED FRIENDS.
CG: TROLLS AND HUMANS WHO CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO GIVE ONE FUCKING MINUTE OF THEIR ATTENTION TO A FEW SHORT MESSAGES.
CG: IF I'M SENDING THESE MESSAGES IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE ALL ONCE AGAIN IGNORING ME.
CG: AND I'M SICK OF IT.

Still no one was listening. You realized that Karkat had this all pre-typed out, all he was doing was hitting enter. He took his sickle in one hand and started walking along the wall, the blade scrapped against the metal walls making a horrible noise. Every troll in the room suddenly looked up and flattened their ears.

CG: YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME.
CG: I'M A JUST SOME TEXT ON A SCREEN.
CG: THAT WAS ALL FUCKING FINE BEFORE WE MET EACH OTHER.
CG: NOW IT'S DIFFERENT.
CG: NOW WHAT I SAY HAS NO VALUE.
CG: WHY BOTHER? I'M NOT YOUR LEADER.
CG: I'M JUST THE HANDICAPPED TROLL.
CG: WHO. FUCKING. CARES.

He stopped scrapping the weapon and glared at everyone. He bared his teeth in what would have been a feral snarl.

CG: WELL GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES?
CG: I HAPPEN TO CARE.
CG: AND I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU'RE ALL WAITING TO ASSURE ME WITH WORDS YOU DON'T MEAN.
CG: I CAN PREDICT THAT MUCH.
CG: BUT HONESTLY YOUR WORDS WILL HAVE NO VALUE.

Karkat started walking forward.

CG: THIS ISN'T A GAME.
CG: MY FEELINGS AREN'T TO BE PLAYED WITH.
CG: I'M A TROLL.
CG: AN ALTERNIAN TROLL.
CG: AND I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING ROLL OVER AND WATCH EVERYONE WALK OVER ME.

He glared at everyone in the room, his gaze lasting a long time on the trolls.

CG: YOU CAN SAY SORRY ALL THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: BUT GUESS WHAT NOOKSUCKERS?
CG: APOLOGY UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTED.
CG: YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.

In a flash he grabbed Sollux and pinned him against the wall. The blade of his sickle was dangerously close to his throat.

CG: I COULD DO TO YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
CG: OR I COULD KILL YOU.
CG: BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE.
CG: I'M TIRED OF BEING IGNORED.

He dropped Sollux and turned away.

CG: I'M SICK OF BEING TALKED TO ONLY WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU.
CG: SO DON'T BOTHER UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO ACCEPT ME AS A TROLL.
CG: BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT.

He grabbed your arm as he walked out of the room, leaving behind a bunch of stunned trolls and humans behind. He was shaking again. "Hey are you ok."

CG: YEAH.
CG: NO.

"Karkat…" You hugged him. "Hey you know what?" You paused for a second, "I think that worked better than taking their air away." A smile spread quickly when you felt him laugh. He gave you a toothy grin and pulled you back to your room.

"You're pretty amazing Karkat." He elbowed you and pointed to the sentence of sign language you were practicing. Hastily you formed the correct motions and went back to talking. "I think this time they listened. And what you said, damn Karkat that was pretty truthful."

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE?
CG: I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT.

"I know. I just think you were really cool! Even if you did scare me for a moment when you had Sollux against the wall. I thought you were really brave."

CG: THINK ANYTHING WILL CHANGE?

You swallowed and thought for a minute, your hands freezing mid sign, "I…I don't know Karkat. I'd hope so, because these are your friends right? They have to care about you. Maybe they just didn't know how much they were hurting you before? And now they do and it will get better."

CG: MAYBE.
CG: I'M HONESTLY SURPRISED YOU HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE TO READ EVERYTHING I SAY.

"Hey It's just like before. When I was still playing the game we'd talk through our text, this isn't any different. In fact, I talked to everyone with my pesterchum. It sorta feels weird talking out loud sometimes." You made sure some part of you was touching Karkat, he liked the small amounts of physical contact. "So it's no bother to me. I'll always have time to read what you say."

You finished up with today's lesson and went back to the kitchen. The two of you seem to go there frequently. Karkat breaks off before you get there, he said he had something to check on and would meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes. There was time you had alone; something you notice is rare now. Karkat is always beside you, he's in the same room when you sleep, sometimes right next to you, his presence is always there, there aren't many times where the two of you are apart. You wonder if that's because you're the only one he trusts, or if it's because he likes spending time with you. You hope it's both. He's a good friend, and is never annoying, it feels so natural to have him right there. It's like you've always known him. No matter how hard you try you can't imagine going without him for more than a day. You'd miss the little things he does, the way he's always there ready to poke you and roll his eyes, or laugh at your dumb jokes. Or just sit with you, quietly, for hours.

Once at the kitchen you debate what to make. The fridge is running low on food so your options are rather thin. Karkat returns with a grim look on his face. You hand him a plate with a sandwich on it. "Here, it's not much, but it will do until dinner." He sat down and didn't look at you. The troll instead poked at his food, and not in the sense that he ate it slowly; he actually just sat there and poked the sandwich on his plate. "Karkat? Are you ok?"

He shook his head.

CG: WE'RE NOT GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER HERE.

"What do you mean?" The troll pushed his food away and rested his head on the table.

CG: WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF SUPPLIES.
CG: FAST.

He covered his head with his arms and rubbed his temples. Gently you sat beside him and rubbed his back. "We'll make it, don't worry." His ears were flattened and his eyes shut tight.

CG: HOW DIDN'T I SEE THIS COMING?

"Karkat we'll do something, don't stress out, how long do we have?"

CG: MAYBE THREE EARTH MONTHS, IF WE PLAN AND RATION CORRECTLY.

He sat up and typed a very fast message to everyone.

CG: I'M PROPOSING NEW RULES.
CG: USE OF THE RESOURCES MUST ONLY GO TO MAKING FOOD AND ITEMS NECESSARY TO SURVIVAL. EVERYTHING ELSE MUST BE STOPPED.

"Oh, well we can do that Karkat!" You pull him close and reassure him, "Plus three months is plenty of time to get a new plan. We can figure this out. We'll be fine."

CG: WHAT IF WE'RE NOT?
CG: WHAT IF WE ALL DIE HERE ON THIS FROZEN ROCK?

"That won't happen. I won't let it, and I know you won't let it." You say confidently. The plate of food gets pushed back in front of Karkat courtesy of your hand and you smile when starts eating. "We'll just have to work extra hard on figuring out what to do next."

He nodded and finished eating. The rest of the day was spent typing out answers to questions and formulating plans on what to do next. Sollux informed everybody that they still had a lot of time before this meteor was set to start moving towards the battlefield. Eventually he crawled wearily into his bed and flipped the light off.

CG: SORRY I NEED TO SLEEP.
CG: TODAY HAS BEEN WAY TOO FUCKING BUSY.

You told him it was ok, you didn't mind turning in early for the day.

---

The other troll's call them nonsense noises. They're the little sounds Karkat can force his throat to make. Each one struggles to imitate a real Alternian sound but none succeed. Karkat tells you he hardly uses them anymore because they just make him sound stupid. Every once in a while you'll hear him make such a sound. It greatly puzzled you the first time; you thought maybe he had figured out how to speak. You were very disappointed when he told you they meant nothing. Occasionally he'll make an odd sound, the only way you can describe it is as a forced, short, growl followed by a click. It's hallow and he can't say anything after it.

That short growl-click has become a stand in for your name. It's easier to get your attention that way and it saves him the time of typing. He only uses it when you're alone, but he seems to like it. You've begun to hear it more and more frequently. "Hey Karkat? What other sounds can you make?"

CG: NONE THAT ACTUALLY FORM WORDS.

"Heh heh I know that, I was just curious."

He turns away from the section of sign language you were working on. You see red faintly begin to color his cheeks. Slowly he works his mouth and throat and you hear everything Karkat can say. It isn't much, he can make a few different tones for a growl, and a few choked syllables, some sound like English tones you're used to. He runs through them and then falls silent again.

CG: I UH ALSO WOULD CLICK TO CRABDAD A LOT.
CG: IT'S NOT THE MOST ELEGANT FORM OF COMMUNICATION I KNOW, BUT IT WORKED.
CG: I SUPPOSE YOU WANT A FUCKING DEMONSTRATION OF THAT TOO, DON'T YOU?

You laugh and tell him it would be cool, but he doesn't have to. He does anyways. Quickly he makes rapid sounds with his tongue. He can change the tone and length of the sounds by moving other parts of his mouth. The rapid fire noises do sound a lot like a language. You're actually quite surprised at how complex it is. Karkat finishes and looks away hastily.

"Wow, Karkat that was pretty cool."

CG: YOU'RE JUST FUCKING SAYING THAT.

"No, honestly. I didn't know you could actually say so much. How come it took this long for me to figure it out?"

CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE THINKPAN IS RUSTED THROUGH.
CG: ALSO BECAUSE I GOT COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU.

"Karkat?"

CG: IT'S EMBARRASSING. HOW I CAN "SPEAK". IT'S NOT WORDS, AND THE CLICKING MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN ANIMAL.
CG: I'D RATHER NOT DO THAT IN-FRONT OF THE OTHERS.

"But you will around me?"

CG: YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
CG: I REALLY TRUST YOU JOHN.
CG: SO THAT'S WHY I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE MORE OF MYSELF.

"Oh, well. You can always be yourself around me Karkat! I won't judge ever!" You signed him something quickly, it was "you are my friend,"

He grinned and quickly signed back, "thank you."

"Hey we're getting pretty good at this whole sign language thing!" You say enthusiastically. He agrees but says we have a long way to go. "It'll be cool when we have do have down pretty well. It'll be like having our own secret code!" He snorts and tackles you pinning you down. "Karkat!" You laugh and wrestle with him again. He always seems to be able to pin you before you can even flip him over. Suddenly everything is light and fun. You're both smiling and laughing. Eventually he pins you again and lies over your chest eyes gleaming like a cat that caught a mouse. "Karkat get off, you won!"

Instead of moving he smirks and quickly places a kiss on your forehead. "Karkat?" His face is getting redder and he gets off. "What was that for?" His ears twitch and he can't quite figure out where to put them, if he's embarrassed or not.

CG: IT'S NOTHING.
CG: JUST SOMETHING TROLLS DO.
CG: FUCKING…FUCK.
CG: IGNORE ME I'M BEING AN IDIOT.

"Heh heh ok Karkat, if you say so."

CG: I DO SAY SO.

You laugh again and sit up. "It's fine, really Karkat. It's nice that you see me as such a good friend." You miss the trolls reaction because you're closing your laptop and moving it to the floor. But he gives you a look of longing and frowns slightly. It all vanishes when you turn back to him and he pins you to the blankets again. "Hey Karkat?"

He responds with his growl-click.

"When this is over, this whole game…do you think we'll still be friends?" he signs "yes". "But how do you know?" He head-butts your side gently with his horns. "Karkat?"

He looks at you seriously and reaches for his trollian.

CG: I DON'T KNOW.
CG: I JUST KNOW THAT WE WILL.
CG: I HAVE A FEELING.

"Do you think that we'll still be in the same place? Will humans and trolls get separated?"

CG: I DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER.

He turned on his TV and got out of bed changing into something to sleep with. You changed quickly too. "I hope we stay together. I really don't want to lose you, or the others. That would suck."

He walks back to the bed and sits next to you. You've long since got over the weirdness of sharing a bed occasionally. You glance over and see that he's not wearing his normal long-sleeved turtleneck. Instead he has on a black t-shirt. You can't help yourself; you end up staring at his neck and seeing all the little crisscrossing scars. The troll's skin flushes red and you know he must be feeling a bit embarrassed.

CG: I UH…NEVER LET OTHERS SEE MY SCARS.
CG: YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH THE FIRST.
CG: BESIDES WHEN I HAD TO SHOW THEM ALL THE FIRST TIME WE MET GOD THAT WAS EMBARRASSING.
CG: I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SHOWING OFF MY SKIN ANYWAYS.

"Why?"

CG: YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM OR WHY MY SYMBOL IS GREY, BUT I HAVE TO HIDE MY BLOOD COLOR.

"It's red, right? I can tell when you blush," You laugh.

CG: YEAH, IT'S RED, BRIGHT RED. LIKE YOURS. IT'S A MUTATED COLOR THOUGH, SO I HAVE TO KEEP IT HIDDEN. ITS ONE OF THE REASONS I WEAR SUCH LONG SLEEVES AND NEVER REALLY SHOW MUCH EMOTION.

"So you're trusting me with a lot, aren't you?" He nodded and flipped on a movie. Gently you reached up and traced the lines on his neck. "I wish I knew how it happened."

CG: ME TOO.

"I wish I could have heard your voice too."

CG: I OFTEN WONDER WHAT I WOULD HAVE SOUNDED LIKE.
CG: I MEAN, I HAVE A VOICE IN MY HEAD, BUT THAT'S NOT REAL.

You continue to trace the patterns, you're very gentle and Karkat lets your fingers explore. You wonder how the hell he got such an injury at such a young age. Karkat said he suspected it happened in the caverns, before he was really aware of much. "It's hard to imagine sometimes that this is the reason why you can't talk." He nods and eventually you scoot closer to him and watch the movie. When it's over you retreat back to your bed and lie down. You can't believe how much you learned about Karkat. You'll probably learn more too as the days go by.

---

There's one day where you wake up before Karkat, in fact you're up before most everyone. Quietly you get breakfast and eat, there's so much weighing on your mind. It's already three weeks into the ration on supplies and the strain is starting to show. No longer can anyone randomly alchemize anything they want. Food is becoming a hassle because everyone wants something different and there is no longer the freedom to do that.

On your way back to your room hear something, it sounds like someone is throwing stuff on the floor. You open the door carefully and see Karkat frantically tossing everything around. "Karkat? What are you doing?"

He whips around and sees you. His eyes immediately widen and runs to you and buries his face in your chest. "Shit dude, what's the matter?" He says your 'name' over and over again. He clearly distressed and is very close to hyperventilating. Never mind, he's hyperventilating. "Karkat…" You try to calm him down, by rubbing his back and petting his hair. "What's wrong?" He looks up at you, he's afraid. Gently you lead him to your bed, since it's not torn to hell. He's trembling and crying and his breath comes out in gasps. "Karkat where's your trollian? I need to know what's wrong with you. Did you have a bad dream? Are you hurt?" Suddenly the situation becomes a million times more difficult.

Karkat shakes his head. "No? Karkat I don't…" He makes motions and gestures; he imitates typing on his phone with shaking hands. "Did you lose it?" He nods. "Oh, I'll help you look." You wrap a blanket around the troll and leave him on your bed. With a calm set of eyes you begin to search your room. After a while your search bears no fruit either. It's strange, even his computer is gone. "Karkat I don't get it, where could it have gone?"

He's still shaking really bad when you sit down. His eyes are wide and he's panting. You realize how scary this must be for him, for the first time he's truly mute. You realize he has no way of communicating. "Oh Karkat." You hug him close and he resumes burring his face in your chest. "Here…I have an idea." You pull out your PDA. "Use this."

He takes the device from you and types something out. His hands are still quivering but he manages.

EB: I…JOHN I LOST IT.
EB: I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING. NOT MY TROLLIAN, NOT MY HUSKTOP. THEY'RE BOTH GONE.
EB: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

"I'm sure we can make you a new one,"

EB: NO I PUT A BAN ON THAT SORT OF PRODUCTION.

"But Karkat! That's your voice! It's not just a computer or a phone. It's how you talk, you need that!

EB: NOT IN THE EYES OF THE OTHERS.
EB: SPEECH ISN'T NEEDED FOR ME TO BREATHE.
EB: I GUESS I COULD SIT IN THE ABANDONED LAB. THE COMPUTERS ARE SHITTY, BUT THEY WORK.

"Karkat no." You pulled him tighter and rested you head against his, reading his typing. "You're not going to hide away in that place, that's not right. You can just keep my PDA, ok?"

EB: ARE YOU SURE?

"Heh heh yeah, I mean, I don't really need it, I can always use my computer whenever I want. And I don't have to worry about you getting a hold of me because we're always together." You reassured him again, "Your voice is important. I don't want to see you lose it."

EB: THANK YOU.

You smiled and let him calm down beside you.

EB: SORRY I FREAKED OUT.
EB: THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY TERRIFYING.
EB: I'M SURE MY TROLLIAN AND SHIT WILL TURN UP.
EB: I JUST…I GUESS I HAD A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK.
EB: I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.

"It's ok, really. You were scared. I'd be scared too." He nodded and you decided to get him something to eat since he was still pretty shaken up. You found some extra hot chocolate packets in the cupboard and heated up a mug for you and your friend. When you came back you gave him a bowl of his favorite troll cereal and the mug. "I have a great idea; let's just sit in for today ok?"

He looked up at your smiling face and grinned a bit too. The troll set down the food and helped you move the TV closer to your bed and then gather up all the blankets you had. Together you made a goofy fort and hid in it wrapped in blankets. That day you had the best movie marathon.

You left to get lunch and dinner; Karkat followed you to help with dinner. You stayed with the idea of hot foods to keep him calm. The troll didn't even notice he was walking around in a t-shirt and boxers. You were too, but it was more surprising to see Karkat so unguarded. You didn't mention anything because he had a huge smile on his face and was clearly enjoying himself. A few of your friends saw the two of you together they didn't say anything; somehow they just knew that this was a special thing for two of you.

Karkat was very expressive, you were noticing it more and more. You began to see that Karkat could communicate just fine to someone who knew what to look for. You understood the troll's movements, his expressions and gestures. He would show you a side he didn't share with anyone else; he would 'talk' at you with his babbling words that weren't words. All of this, all the motions, the sounds this was all a language. You called it the Language of Karkat, and you were pretty fluent in it. He was happy too; he knew you could understand him. That day during your movie marathon you and Karkat spoke more or less without the aid of a chat system at all.

He rolled over on his back and looked up at you. Karkat said your 'name' again and you looked down, "What's up buddy?"

He blushed a deep red and signed something you didn't recognize yet. "What'd you say?"

He signed it again slower.

"I still don't know."

He smirked and fumbled for something to communicate better with.

CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

You laughed and threw a small piece of popcorn at him. "Not fair. How long will it take?"

CG: I DON'T KNOW, THAT'S UP TO YOU I GUESS.