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UnImpossible — don't ask me why
Published: 2010-03-03 15:56:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 804; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 5
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Description
he likesto lie
[facedown]
on ice.
and pretend that he's fallenfor her
after all, she's pretty (so pretty)
and nobody has a smile like hers.
it lights up a dark room.
-too bad he lives next door.
and his fingers are too long for her delicacy.
she might break
and what then? he doesn't have enough glue to piece her back together.
and everyone's smiling at their
imperfection.
as if they all had a hand in the making.
he wants to
leave. but more, to tell them to leave.
because they're strangers trespassing on his vulnerability.
but instead
he grins.
and tells himself -
someday.
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Comments: 20
This poem is great due to the face that the displayed words explain the conveyed emotion of this piece as well as the emotional side of the verse. The reader will love every line and glean a great story from it.
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lovelovelove the formatting.
you're a very good writer
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This is a delightful read, fun and yet intriguingly mysterious enough to feel more important than just a "fun" experience. I love the formatting, reminiscent of EE Cummings and altogether very cleverly executed. Well done.
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very nice. the html gives a nice effect. i especially like the last stanza.
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This is really lovely, I love formatting in literature pieces and this one is perfect.
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The story I get from this is that it is someone who is laid back. He has ambitions and goals and dreams, but right at the moment he seems to not be hoping for the best. He's happy where he is even if that place isn't too great. He seems to be optimistic and ready for what may come.
The formatting of this piece strongly helps the story line. If it weren't formatted this way I would think it to be very, very dry.
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I like the formatting. To me this is a guy unsure if he is good enough for the girl and having a hard time understanding her. He wants out, but he is scared and feels like he should like her, so he stays, to protect her, and to protect himself. It's like everyone thinks they are such a cute couple that he thinks maybe it could work. This is very interesting, because in piecing together the story I had to rely on what isn't said almost as much as what is said. I really like this. (:
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the piece doesn't flow in a conventional way really, and that could possibly bring down the overall effect of the poem for some readers, but i actually like it... it's unique and so it makes it more interesting.
i like the images you used, and the clever way you explained things, like in
"it lights up a dark room.
-too bad he lives next door."
nice work
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