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Published: 2009-04-24 17:25:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 168; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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It has gotten to a point where I can actually smell his scent when he pulls up the driveway. My body stiffens when I hear the door close on the car. I never thought in all these years that I would find a man who would make me drip with lust and desire as much as he does to me.If he only knew the thoughts that go thru my deviant mind on a daily basis.
He comes thru the door and my heart stops for a millisecond. When he approaches me for a hug my body begins to moan internally. I reach my arms around his emense shoulders and I grip his back.My hands immediately want to explore his entire body. My nose hits his arm and his smell intoxicates me. I become almost high from his scent. I close my eyes and begin to spin. I have to compose myself or I will explode on the spot. This all from just a hug!
His mind wanders to his room of hibernation..but not for very long. I know he can tell by now that my body is begging for his. I want to be fresh for him..I must get up those stairs and jump in the shower.
I leave him to his cave.......
The water is so hot..it is starting to make my heat boil within me. I love having a removable shower head..it is a tool for all women. As I lather my body to prepare for shaving I can't help but slip a finger or two inside me. The pressure is building so much that I need just a tiny release. My fingers are nothing like his. All I can think about is his fingers finding my sensitive zone and slowly moving till I come to my moment...when I can't breathe......he pinches my nipples just right at the same time...all of that happening makes my center throb.....God, my fingers just aren't the same...I just have to finish this shower and get him up to bed.
I washed, shaved and rushed.
I need to feel him.
I need him inside me.
He is coming up the stairs..my body tingles with the thought of him coming in the room. When he enters I am pleading with my body to just hold on a little longer. When he lays next to me, I immediately want to rip his underwear off and shove his manliness deep in my throat. I am so content when he is in my mouth. Feeling his shaft with my tongue and lips. Gripping the base and sucking on the head. God the thoughts alone make me want to erupt.
If only he truly knew how I want to be on my knees for him, his massive hands gripping the back of my hair and neck, having him thrust my mouth with his amazing boy toy, telling me how much he wants to finish in my throat...I know he has a deviant mind too....
He begins to touch me.........my body is ready........so it begins.
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Comments: 6
fallenidle [2009-04-24 17:54:37 +0000 UTC]
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Congrats on having the bravery to go for your first erotica story! It's a tougher genre than it seems!
Since this is your first erotica story, it's understandable to see that it needs a bit of work. First, I would run it through a spell/grammar check program, and double-check your punctuation; there are quite a few errors.
I never thought in all these years that I would find a man who would make me drip with lust and desire as much as he does to me. - This is a really awkward sentence structure, and there are several of these examples.
As far as the story itself, this was a really rough erotica story. By rough, I mean it was lacking of any relatable feelings or storyline. Erotica doesn't need to be a "making love" scenario of course, but there's really no rhyme or reason to this story; it seems to be more appropriate of a personal journal entry than an actual work of fictional writing. There really is no story here. You say "I never thought in all these years I would find a man who would make me drip with lust".... okay, well, why? Who is this man the woman has known for years? Why did it take her so long to find him? What is her relationship to him - wife, girlfriend, adulterous neighbor, teenaged student?
Just needs some polishing; you want to make your readers understand and hopefully care about why your characters do what they do, even in erotica.
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Iscariot-Priest In reply to fallenidle [2009-04-24 20:41:03 +0000 UTC]
The "I never thought in all these years that I would find a man who would make me drip with lust and desire as much as he does to me." line really rubs you the wrong way, eh?
What I can't get over is the shaving bit. Why would anyone shave right before sex?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
fallenidle In reply to Iscariot-Priest [2009-04-25 17:57:38 +0000 UTC]
That line me go...
*pause*
*frown*
"Eh, uhhhh...."
*turn around, look for assistance*
"Ehhhhh what?"
And yeah, not sure... you'd think that would upset your uber sensitive skin.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VisualModality In reply to davincipoppalag [2009-04-25 01:54:23 +0000 UTC]
LOLOLOLOLOL glad u like LOL
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
davincipoppalag In reply to VisualModality [2009-04-25 08:00:20 +0000 UTC]
heheh pretty hot..pretty hot..
👍: 0 ⏩: 0