HOME | DD
zerosilver β Disconnection
Published: 2010-07-04 17:58:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 1048; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 17
Redirect to original
Description
Do you remember when we were little and I said every summer that we should sell vegetables from my family's garden? The thought excited me. I only realize now that youΒ Β never really said much about it. It seemed like that happened a lot. I had ideas...you had ideas...but half the time we didn't end up putting anything to action. That could be part of why we grew apart so easily.Do you remember, in daycare, how we would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, saying we would get married someday? I guess we realized later that neither of us ever felt that way. We were just good friends. The unspoken promise fell apart. But I still wished it would happen anyway. And I still have the card you gave me that says I'm the best girlfriend in the world. Maybe someday I can live up to that for someone else.
Do you remember when we stopped talking? I do. I remember why, and maybe you don't, but I didn't want to check. Maybe it was a stupid reason. The prank call was pretty funny, I thought. I realized after I apologized for my friends that you might be mad. And I was afraid of that. So I never did call you again. I can't help but think you were a little glad about that. Especially since I was always the one calling you anyway.
Related content
Comments: 94
Haha, we planned on getting married until we got to middle school. I held on to that for a while.
Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it!
π: 0 β©: 1
lol ya little kids dont seem to understand stuff like that for a while!
your welcome
π: 0 β©: 1
Haha, yeah, I guess not. XD It's kind of cute, though.
π: 0 β©: 1
I kind of get it, it's like friends who thought they were more but never were? Are all the memories connected?
π: 0 β©: 1
Mmm...I guess? It's more like childhood dreams of growing up and getting married, but that fell apart, and eventually, because of other things, the whole friendship fell apart.
Not really. It's just things I thought of that contributed to the falling out.
π: 0 β©: 0
Sad and wonderful at the same time....you put out your feeling in this prose....
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you very much. ^^ Haha, I tried. Or maybe I didn't and the words just kind of fell out of my head onto the paper. I'm not really sure.
π: 0 β©: 0
Beautiful. I really like how you've written this. Every idea blends in seamlessly with what follows it, as well as the overall feel of the text. It does feel sentimental, but not in a sappy way; instead, it feels sober, see even almost detached. I think you got it just right.
About the title: Well, I think it fits well, but the word just seems kind of... Abrupt, I guess. In the prose, the relationship you've (masterfully) described gradually disintegrates as the characters become more and more aware of its failings, whereas the word 'disconnection' has, to me, a more immediate connotation, like something went 'click' and their friendship ended. All the same, it doesn't take away from the piece at all, and I really do think that you've done a fantastic job with this.
Also, I particularly like the last line. It gives the text sort of a sad, almost (but not quite) bitter -- for lack of a better word -- twist. It throws a new perspective on the whole collection of memories, making clues about the person to whom the thoughts are dedicated stand out all the more. (Then again, I may just be a dunce for not having seen them at a glance. 
Anyway, again, great job with this piece. It really is lovely.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you so much! I'm glad, because it wasn't meant to be sappy, definitely because of a detached feeling.
Ah, yes! That's what's been bothering me, I think. I just couldn't think of a better word when I was trying to think of a title, so thank you for pointing it out. ^^
Thank you. I wasn't sure how the last line affected it, though I had hoped it would change something in the reader's thoughts on the memories before it. Haha, you're not a dunce, I think you really pinpointed a lot of things about the piece.
Thank you again, so much!
π: 0 β©: 1
You're welcome. Glad you could find some sense in my mindless babbling!
π: 0 β©: 1
Haha, of course, I do enough senseless babbling of my own that I should be able to understand other peoples'. XD And I forgot to thank you for faving it when I replied, so thank you very much for that!
π: 0 β©: 0
Hey, just wanted to say congratulations on the DLD - well deserved!
π: 0 β©: 1
Wow, thank you so much!!
π: 0 β©: 1
You're very welcome. Keep up the great work!
π: 0 β©: 1
π: 0 β©: 1
haha, you can use that this Saturday, if you're participating in "International Glomp A Deviant Day" 
π: 0 β©: 1
Whoa, there's a DAY for glomping?!!! I have so many glomps actually saved to a document. XD
π: 0 β©: 1
YES! Then you will love this, trust me.
News article is here: [link]
π: 0 β©: 1
Whoa!! It's REAL!! I must partake in this event. Thanks for the link!
π: 0 β©: 1
Welcomes.
Feel free to let other people know; we trying to get a lot of people involved!
π: 0 β©: 1
There is a connection, even though it's not in chronological order...which did annoy me at first, but I realize that it fits better with the piece, makes it more like the scattered memories of one just blindly reminiscing.
Title is perfect, the emotion is also well written...at times it feels like a bittersweet attitude, sometimes it feels...haha, disconnected, as if the narrator does not feel much for the other person in question...but then again it just fits better with the title, the mood.
Well done, this was very well written.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you very much! Haha, that's exactly what I was doing while I was writing it, blindly reminiscing.
I'm glad it fits well, I'm never sure of titles. Yes, that's what I was going for!
Thank you again, for the wonderful comment, for liking it, and for faving it!
π: 0 β©: 1
You're very welcome, it was fantastic.
π: 0 β©: 1
I'm glad you thought so!
π: 0 β©: 0
this is well written. I think the various parts do connect and work to create a emotive-ness that is really quite powerful. The title does fit. Great work...
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you so much! I'm glad it works together well, I wasn't sure if it would in the beginning.
π: 0 β©: 1
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
Keep writing and keep creating.
π: 0 β©: 1
Wow, thank you so much, this is shocking!
π: 0 β©: 1
It was our pleasure.
π: 0 β©: 0
I'm not sure each paragraph really links back to the previous/onto the next. But I think that is beneficial to the tone of this piece.
This story is a puzzle picture of a failing romance. The three paragraphs each tell an individual story, allowing the reader to add together the details to create the full picture. Though seemingly unlinked, the reader is reliant upon each fact. Miss one, and you'll miss the entire meaning.
I have decided to suggest this to *DailyLitDeviations . If chosen your piece will feature in one of their daily newsletters. Good luck!
It would be appreciated if you would take the time to send me a note with a link to any prose pieces, by any other deviants, that you feel deserve to be featured.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you. ^^ I guess, while I was writing, I went for a sort of scattered reminiscence, where the things don't really link, but at the same time, add to the end result.
Thank you so much for suggesting it, I was shocked to see it in the newsletter! It really makes me very happy, knowing that someone thinks that much of my work that they would want to show it to more people.
Of course I will!
π: 0 β©: 0
you did amazing with this, i love pieces like this, when the writer just becomes inspired...beautiful!!!
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you so much! Haha, yeah, it was just a split second thing. Even I was surprised. XD I'm really glad you liked it so much! Thank you for faving it as well!
π: 0 β©: 1
you're welcome, yeah, i often do split second things, i don't think i've ever actually PLANNED to write something...
π: 0 β©: 1
I plan a little, but not so much planning as getting an idea and keeping it in my head until I decide to write it on paper or type it. My problem is usually getting a beginning idea, finishing a paragraph or stanza, and then getting stuck. XD
π: 0 β©: 1
hehe, i am totally with you on that. I hate it when i get stuck...it infuriates me to no end.
π: 0 β©: 1
Same here! I sit there for 10 minutes, sometimes longer, just thinking of the next line and words that rhyme, if it's a poem. When I write prose, it usually comes pretty naturally.
π: 0 β©: 1
yeah, i don't often write poetry for exactly that reason
π: 0 β©: 1
I write it, but less often within the past few months. I just haven't been able to make things flow well enough, and I think my prose is better anyway. XD
π: 0 β©: 1
yes, these past few weeks have been slow for me as well...
π: 0 β©: 1
Exactly, plus I just don't find time to write when I actually want to. It's strange, but if I'm at work or something, I can't seem to write very well because other people are there. I wonder if that's just me...XD
π: 0 β©: 1
yeah...i have to be alone when i write...
π: 0 β©: 1
| Next =>