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bite06me — A Tear- Additions
Published: 2004-01-31 03:25:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 966; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 662
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Description
The image,I was sitting.
My lips they quivered,
cried for a touch.
When the taste of salt reached,
my lips- my tongue ever satisfied.
Drops they had captured.
Savoured the figures full of life.
Turn the corner- into a room.
A young man does cry,
at the foot of his bed.
Slowly drops land
Placed upon the ground.
Losing peices of himself,
they're fallen, gone for good.
Something that was once so important
-such a piece of him-
How could it be forgotten- lost,
or does he count them as they leave?
Down the street there is a girl,
about the age of 21,
she's crying.
Collecting the tears in a jar,
trapping them, like a memory.
This brings her an idea of forever being,
a tear for a tear.
A study,
love for all of you.
and all of us;
Has brought me to know this very thing,
we love, but forget so well.
It's easier to lose a part of you when-
your heart is broken
or when your skin's ripped open.
All pain just makes you ignore,
the fact of missing you,
Spread across the floor.
I seem to be
the only one to notice.
I'm the observer,
I watch the tears as they fall,
watch the blood bleed.
But the tear is most beautiful.
And to notice this you'd have to gaze-
day in- day out.
Then you will see,
exactly what I see.
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Comments: 47
This is so beautiful. i love it. You did a very good job on this. Im gonna fav it!
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Wow, i really liked this one, in fact I think i'll fave it. I've cried so often yet never realised the importance of my tears, thank you for informing me :thumbs up:
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wow....this is AMAZING!!! wonderful work!!!! 
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speechless...beautiful poem well writtem, great flow and images. excellent job
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WTF drugs am i on that i missed this? OMG Holly this is incredible!!!!
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MMm im not sure about it... I've tried to fix it a couple times (3 so far) but.. i donno.
i'm just being harder on my self more then usual, i think its because i have a slight case of writers block...
but i havent had much time to try to ecape from it, so tonight i wil be able to get out, im sure of it. 
ah but anyways,
thank you for the comment and such!!!!!
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Nice choice of words; very simple yet it flows.
It's brilliant that you can see the beauty in tears, i've shed to many to think about them in anway but unwanted.
Lovely, pretty poem.
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I really love this. To me, each tear is a mystery, but I'm clueless like that 
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Very nice poem! There are so many individual parts that just leave an impression! I particularly like the collecting of the tears in a jar because we "forget so well". Keep up the great work!
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Gosh, I love this
You really do have a way with words...
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You made your beginning worse and the ending slightly better.
Look at your verb tenses!
The glassy form does fall
dances down my cheeks,
Kissing me with moves
Don't say does, we KNOW it's falling.
"The glassy form falls
dancING down my cheek,
kissing me with its moves"
you said ONE (a) tear, so their can't be plural cheeks. You need to give the movements ownership.
I'd just cut out your two opening lines; they are contradictory and don't fit the rest of the poem.
A drop it captured
It savoured it
The life it had with in
it it it....this makes no sense! And within is one word.
You need to sit and pace yourself as you write because you are taking this much too quickly. You need to write, think, orally and visually study it. You need a balance between puncation and capitalization. You need to study plurals, posession, and subject/verb agreement.
Plus faves mean shit to me, good writing does. If people are giving you attention though, don't suck.
Pace yourself.
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ah thank you thank you, its very excellent of you to spend some time here helping me out
i changed it again, but im not satisfied with it still, might change some more later
thanks again,
holly
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this is a very beautiful poem. it is just plain georgus and i love it very much.
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Beautiful, and so moving. There are some incredible lines in there, and it all flows so well.
"It's glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me"
That imagery is superb. Not only an emotional poem, but a very well structured one too.
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There is really nothing special about this poem. The subject matter is very tiring, but you don't even give this subject matter a steady path to follow. It starts off descriptive and then ends up...well, rambling.
Then there are very distracting and basic writing things that need to be taken care of: verb tense and subject verb agreement.
It's glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me.
say that out loud. you put in a contraction too, so what you're saying is
"it is glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me"
and that my dear makes NO sense. Do you mean
"It is a glassy figure. Falling down, gently kissing me."
My tongue ever satisfied
This is vauge, i think I know what you mean, like your tounge craves that taste, but it honestly comes off as a typo. Like you really meant "never"
Slowly this drop lands
Placed upon the ground
something that was once so important
Such a piece of you
Could it be forgotten so,
Or do you count them as they leave?
Do you read any of your lines outloud after reading them? This makes little sense because of verb tense changing (lands/placed) and a lack of punctuation to guide me anywhere. Where does "so" some in? It doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the poem. Cut it. And who is they? You were talking about ONE tear, right?
Who is collecting tears and a jar? This is where I lose sense of the speaker. And the like should be "all TOO well"
A study
Love for all of you
and all of us; Has brought
Me to know this very thing
We love, but forget so well
I get dizzy just reading that. Are we studying tears? It's like, redundant. Plus, you used a semicolon completely wrong. They are meant to join two complete statements. The seond statement ("Has brought...well"
It's easier to lose a part of you
When your heart is broken
Or when your skin's ripped open
All pain just makes you ignore
The fact of missing you
Spreading on the floor
Soooo, I'm kinda ruffled over the "skin's" contraction you made, but that's a vernacular thing, so it works. I actually kinda like this allusion you made to blood "speading on the floor," even though it's really cliche. You succeeded in sneaking that in on me. This is another stanza that could be (NEEDS) punctuation to clarify meaning. I also really don't know what this has to do with tears, but alright. (see what I mean? you went off track?)
I'm an observer
I watch my tears as they fall
Watch the blood as I bleed
But the tear is most beautiful
But why?
Can't ask me.
Such a lackluster ending 
For flow, I'd kill the contraction "I'm." So why do you torture your reader with this poem if you can't answer the question? Why do you make it so blantant with those last two lines? You claim to know a tear so well: THEN PROVE IT.
Hope I helped, I highly suggest going back and polishing this poem, because it not only needs it but deserves it.
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yeah i definetly needed to reread it, i have a really bad habbit of running through things quickly, and submitting with something off the top of my head
this was more of a rant then a poem- definetly needed work-
Mmm i thank you very much for taking the time to do all that!!! I'm quite thankful, indeed! I jsut quickly edited it just a tad, but definetly needs more work if i want it to be anywhere near as good as everyone else is claiming,
again, thank you!!!
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A fav!! 
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^_^ Nice to find someone who truly understands the " you-look-so-beautiful-when-you-cry" concept! (Not in a butt-kissing way!) Be well!
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the beauty of sadness is that it is ultimately uplifting. your poem is a relection of that, well captured
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Sorta like that time in the bath-house....
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haha no worries, i actually think this is one of my least favourites- and its a little old, mmm but yes no worries at all, cant expect everyone to like it
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Such beauty. there is so much thought and effort in this piece. Truly a work of art. I feel lucky to simply read it so instead of you thanking my for my words i would like to thank you for yours.
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Congratulations on being featured today! You deserve it. Great job.
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IM FEATURED? haha killer! thank you very very much!!!
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This is beautiful, I don't know what to say about it even... *speechless*
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You're welcome very muchies... now that I've had time to re-read and digest this poem I wanted to tell you that this is beautifully expressed and a lovely concept, although sad it is not depressing or ridden with angst. The tear seems so beautiful, something to be treasured almost which was really nice; so many poets have written on this subject matter but none I have ever read were at all like this.
I also picked up one thing (and it may just be me) but on line 5 the word " kisses" doesn't sound quite right. The word just seems wrong because the tear is falling (something happening in the present tense) yet the word kisses is something that is already done. My brain kept changing kisses to kissing as I read it... but you may completely disagree, it's all good.
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Hmm i think i agree with the "kisses" vs " kissing" thing
I'm gonna take a look at this and revise it later, i will keep that in mind
thanks!
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