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bite06me — Break
Published: 2004-02-14 05:44:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 230; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 23
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Description You changed before me
You evolved into nothing
So empty- so cruel
How could I ever love you?

You know when you make me cry?
It starts with a type of calmness- serenity
Rolls into hectic atmosphere
Then everything -the world- caves in- all over again

You've brought this pain to me
A friend, how did it happen?
Stabbing, when you should be healing-
Patching wounds from others- helping.

You lied, teased, hid from me
friendship abused, you've killed it.
You can't be dead to me, not close
How could I be dead to you?

It takes one person, only one
To ruin friendships, break them apart
You just went along with lies
Bringing them on, eating me alive.

More crying always comes
My breaths become short- almost gone.
Heart slowly breaking- deteriorating
Are you looking for the ashes?!

There was silence in your conversations
There were gaps in our strides.
Days were slowly lost to others
But you cant blame it on a drift.

You tore us apart, yeah
My fingernails have clawed at skin to many times
Just because of you
Your cynical attitude had grown.

You know how you make me cry?
With my walls caving in-
Ability to breathe dissapearing?
Can you even feel what you do? Can you?
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Comments: 20

insomnia-mae [2004-02-21 17:30:42 +0000 UTC]

This is amazing....i love it, as i love all of your writings...nice job.

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regenald [2004-02-16 09:03:02 +0000 UTC]

Very strong message comes across. A few things I would watch are the hyphens, the delays cause the line to drag where it shouldn't. I think you would have been better off with commas. Also, you use "breaths." If intentional, it doesn't sound quite right. Better off leaving it as breath, it's plural within itself. Stupid English language.

"Stabbing, when you should be healing"

Isn't it the truth? Wonderful work, I'm always impressed.

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genuinecrisis [2004-02-15 00:31:09 +0000 UTC]

I understand this piece out of personal experience. Powerful words

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flutter-of-wings [2004-02-14 20:36:08 +0000 UTC]

wow, really good piece! very strong and powerfull. really well done!!!

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bite06me In reply to flutter-of-wings [2004-02-14 21:17:19 +0000 UTC]

thank you!!!

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flutter-of-wings In reply to bite06me [2004-02-15 12:59:59 +0000 UTC]

hehe anytime, you deserve it!!

xxx

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captainpugwash [2004-02-14 16:24:19 +0000 UTC]

I had stop reading this half way through because i couldn't see through my tears. I am so sorry you are writing from experience here. I can't add to what has been said already, so I will just leave you all the love I have in my heart, and hope it comes close to helping you away from these feelings *sniffs* You got me crying again, I am human after all.

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SaDnessIncarnate [2004-02-14 14:15:56 +0000 UTC]

great poem...

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hollybunny [2004-02-14 14:03:04 +0000 UTC]

such emotion and images. you expressed yourself well. and damn them. i have learned that i have alot of aquaintances but very few friends. you need to remember the problem is them.. not you...it took me along time to realize that. i hope it helped to get it out.

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flying-in-ashes [2004-02-14 13:38:44 +0000 UTC]

this is very nice, showing emotions with wonderful descriptions
happy valentines

Mel*bday girl*

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Sorrows-Dreamer [2004-02-14 10:35:13 +0000 UTC]

this is a godo piece...very long lol but when u get to the end its woreth reading it.

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Jomina [2004-02-14 09:39:24 +0000 UTC]



Awww Holly im so sorry

This was just so good

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ares1013 [2004-02-14 06:46:20 +0000 UTC]

"You can't be dead to me, not close
How could I be dead to you?"

That was really powerful to me. An excellent poem, I'm just sorry you had to have the inspiration to write it.

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inpayne [2004-02-14 06:15:33 +0000 UTC]

This is really good. Many friends have done this to me, so i can relate. People are jerks and that will never change. all you have to do is try and not let it affect you too much. Not let it make you to mad or depressed. (That's something i still have to work on) well agin good poem.

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bite06me In reply to inpayne [2004-02-14 06:19:03 +0000 UTC]

here here to that!
happy valentines day

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inpayne In reply to bite06me [2004-02-14 06:23:23 +0000 UTC]

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

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airmega23 [2004-02-14 05:58:14 +0000 UTC]

This is a good piece. I really like the concept, and I think it is an easy piece ro relate to. There was a sense of emotion in the piece that made it real. It had that quality that makes poems great.
The diction was good, and I liked the figuritive language throughout the poem. In the 4th last Stanza the word " deteriorating" seemed kind of out of place, and offset the flow of that stanza. Other than that, I really thougth the piece was great!

Keep it up!

Greg!

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bite06me In reply to airmega23 [2004-02-14 06:06:03 +0000 UTC]

aaaah than kyou very much, your coments are always very constrictive, which is GRAND!!!

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airmega23 In reply to bite06me [2004-02-14 06:08:38 +0000 UTC]

thank you! I try not to be a person that leaves
"" and calls it a comment! Thats not a comment!

Thanks for appricheating it!

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bite06me In reply to airmega23 [2004-02-14 06:12:10 +0000 UTC]

yeah okay typos, i had typos.

Comment.
Constructive.

there we go

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