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cubecrazy2 β Polarity
Published: 2006-02-25 04:47:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 534; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 24
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Description
Some anomalous algorithm,Flipped and fluttered,
And steered a stippling start.
I have a notion that your potion
Left bees buzzing inside my heart.
The resonating vibration
Chanting from within;
Has left me inscribing,
And diving,
And craving for your spin.
I yearn for that tingly gravity;
Emitting from your poles,
And you canβt deny
The blissful butterflies
Swimming in your soul.
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Comments: 41
i think this is the only poem i have :=fav: on my travels thru dev so far
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Awww, thanks so much for the fav and the watch too! I appreciate you taking the time to read, it seems most written works get ignored on dA.
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you're very welcome
i read things
i just don't find many worth fav'ing
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Goodness! This made me smile 
Yay for you, it's clever ...
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*gasp* Thanks so much!!!
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Not too much to add to what has been said. I also enjoyed your use of alliteration and assonance. I liked the vocabulary as well, because to me, the words felt in tune with the voice of the speaker (I thought, "geek love!") rather than just plucked from a theasaurus, which is sometimes the risk with using higher diction. At first, the internal rhyme of "notion" and "potion" felt a little too precious for me, but I've changed my mind--it's playful; it fits. I also liked how the insects (bees, butterflies) connected both the first and last stanzas and the two lovers. For whatever reason, "buzzing bees" sounded better to me, perhaps because then you have stronger parallelism with "blissful butterflies."
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Awwww 
I never thought about switching the 'bees' and 'buzzing' around like that. hmmmmmm... thats a toughy. I'll have to ponder on that. when I read it switched around it slightly disrupts the flow but maybe thats because I'm used to it the other way... very interesting... I will chew on that and ask around. Thanks so much for your input
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Wow, I love it! The rhythm and alliteration make it so much fun to read. It's all just got such a bouncy, fun vibe to it, but kind of a serious "omg I'm so in love with you" feeling at the same time. Wow. Just wow. I think I'm going to fave this.
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*gasp* thank you so much for the fav! I'm just beaming from all the positive comments I've recieved on it. It is definately one of my favorite poems I have ever written.
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lovely rhyme scheme! excellent way of contrasting science/nature with love. its not overtly a love poem, but that's the beauty of it i think. i can relate to the emotion here, as can a lot of people, which gives this poem high potential for popularity.
stanza 1: your use of alliteration of the "s" sound and assonance of the "a" is well-implemented. i don't think you need the comma at the end of line 4 tho. the flow of the poem itself lends a pause there with the line break.
stanza 2: i adore your word choice in line 1, that's such a clear sensory image!! again, not sure you need the comma after line 1 tho.
stanza 3: omit commas after lines 3 & 4.
really, i have no major critique of this! its the perfect length for your idea, and its grippingly relatable, and deliciously suggestive in mood. top notch!
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Yes, thanks so much! I wanted it to be a love poem without using love.
Thanks so much for all the help. I totally overuse commas and it really helps to have another pair of eyes look over the piece. I appreciate it a lot and I'll get rid of them comma.
Thanks again!
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Absoluetyl wonderful! I really love the connection of love and science here..great imagery you've created this way.
xxx
Ella
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Thank you so much for the fav
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stunning, really. it's out there but still manages to be tightly knit, reads aloud extremely well and has a lot of potent vocabulary. bravo!
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Hey! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I really apreciate it
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any time my friend! i really like your animations too!
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Thanks for checking em out
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There is a very nice rhythm in your poem, although the first stanza sounds a bit more rigid than the rest. Good job regardless.
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Yes... that first stanza is heavier than the other two... hmmmm.... thanks for pointing that out, I'll see if I can tone it down. thanks a ton for commenting
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This is beautiful: your description was spot-on, I would definitely say the rhythm and rhyme scheme of this poem gets eleven out of ten. The first stanza is my favourite, perhaps because I love the words anomalous algorithm, but I have one beef with the punctuation, namely the semicolon. How are those first two lines supposed to be read together? an anomalous algorithm flipped and fluttered, etc, or are they two separate thoughts? I have trouble understanding it when I assume the latter. I'm curious to find out if I'm doing something wrong.
Brilliant work aside from one little ; and you deserve to get a little overconfident over it. =]
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Wow! Thank you so much!! what a wonderful critique
about that semicolon... yeah... it doesn't work... I dunno what i was thinking at the time. I'll change it. Thanks for pointing that out. I never got the hang of semicolons....
Its gives me such a fuzzy feeling to hear the positive response of this poem. Barrels of thanks to ya
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No problem at all. Again, brilliant work.
And semicolons are my favourite punctuation. =]
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Ahh the tingly feeling of love..
The look you give someone to let them know that you just want everyone else to dissapear so that you can spend all your time with them..
It's beautiful! Once again you reminded me of the happy things that we live for!
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Yay!!! 
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oh wow! that's so.. wow... I've never had a poem arrest my attention like this one. Phrases like 'craving for your spin" and "tingly gravity" were my favorite. Lovin it.
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Awwww Thanks so much!!!
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Sorry it took me so long to get around to reading this, but I'm so glad I hung on to it for when I got some time because man it just made my heart melt, it's beautiful. My favourite line ... "I have a notion that your potion, Left bees buzzing inside my heart." ... just amazingly beautiful! ~E.
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Awwww
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Oooo so preeeetty and nice and happy and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and yay. Whew. But yeah, I love this poem to reincarnation (that's even more than to death, iffn you were confuzzled a wee little bit) and shall give it a proud resting place amongst my favorites where it shall cheer the lives of those around it.
And possibly have an affair with some sleazy little piece of art
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Thanks a billion barrels and many monkeys more for the fav!!!
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Very nice Cube. You should really get those published somewhere
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I like all of it. I 
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Man, that flipped a switch.
*points at chest
Right here.
That has a really great flow to it, and even moe importantly, that flow adds to the beauty.
Wonderfully writen and hella beautiful to boot.
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OMG!!! Thanks so much Travis!!!
I really like this one a lot and am glad that you liked it too!
Thanks so much for the fav dude!
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