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daveyrocsmysocs — decimating
Published: 2004-06-21 23:15:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 109; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description the sea fell from the sky
as my soul severed from me
the coals kept burning
as my heart kept beating clumsily
my cognizance wanted to stray
slipping, descending but never wanting to leave me fully
much like the others, you left me barely viable
my enervation caused my fate
i set my own finality
i saw it drawing near
i looked my destiny in the face, dauntally, waiting
wanting bereavement to take me
and it still turns me away
why, enigma of the fiend,
the one that took my lucidity
can't handle my own adsorption as i degenerate in antipathy
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Comments: 15

crimsonacquittal [2009-01-28 03:05:24 +0000 UTC]

rofl this may be relevant to your interests

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duckie2318 [2005-07-02 07:55:56 +0000 UTC]

i love this piece alot. this is great nice work

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to duckie2318 [2005-07-03 19:45:58 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

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MagicalDeviantJew64 [2004-06-22 19:30:30 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful choice of vocabulary and imagery. My heart does bleed for this piece.

My only trepidation (as everyone sadly knows) entails the contraction "can't." I despise those devices; they detract from the flow of the work, and this one resides at the very end. SO CLOSE.....

But overall, I do quite like this piece. Great work.

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to MagicalDeviantJew64 [2004-06-22 19:41:59 +0000 UTC]

thank yuo so much for the lovely compliment

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InvisibleTearsFall00 [2004-06-22 12:43:34 +0000 UTC]

sounds like something AFI would write

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to InvisibleTearsFall00 [2004-06-22 17:05:09 +0000 UTC]

i'm going to take that as a compliment..

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Disillusioned-One [2004-06-22 04:15:51 +0000 UTC]

i really like this. its really strong, very vivid, creates a great mental image. i like it a lot

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to Disillusioned-One [2004-06-22 17:04:39 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much..

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Disillusioned-One In reply to daveyrocsmysocs [2004-06-23 00:53:46 +0000 UTC]

welcome so much

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airmega23 [2004-06-21 23:17:39 +0000 UTC]

I like this poem. It is very intense, aswell as very vivid. I found this was a real rush to the head, as well as the heart. You created a feeling of empathy in the reader, and that is something not easily done. You have real talent.

Greg

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to airmega23 [2004-06-21 23:44:15 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much for the compliment..your input is much appriciated and always makes me stronger as a writer..i am very flattered, not to mention taken aback...

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airmega23 In reply to daveyrocsmysocs [2004-06-22 03:01:56 +0000 UTC]

It was no problem, all I ask is that you check out my works too, comment on some of my pieces if you can. It will help me improve as well.
"Seep" is my newest piece, and I'd like your opinion.

Greg

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daveyrocsmysocs In reply to airmega23 [2004-06-22 17:02:40 +0000 UTC]

o, no problem..will do..

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airmega23 In reply to daveyrocsmysocs [2004-06-22 19:42:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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