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Published: 2010-05-15 20:30:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 3465; Favourites: 72; Downloads: 11
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Description
When I was little I did not care,For the thousands of you struggling out there,
So here is to you,
You beautiful souls.
When I was little I did not know
In your world full of nightmares you continue to grow.
When I was little I did not see
Such trembling lips as they uttered your plea.
When I was little I could not believe
How you kept on struggling on days we didn't grieve?
When I was little how could I have known
Your contagious laughter was a sight to behold.
When I was little I would never have guessed
That with such delicate wings you have been blessed.
When I was little I could not feel
How much your weak smiles really reveal .
So tell me, my child, how do you strive
To live each day just to survive.
Your innocent strides will take you far
For in Gods eyes you are the star.
So soar to the heavens with your fragile soul
And there before the gates we will count your toll.
Because when I was little I didn't dare to dwell
That while I live in heaven you live in hell.
So here is to you,
You beautiful souls.
Because when I was little I did not care,
That every day and every hour you struggle out there.
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Comments: 63
tommyboywood [2013-09-15 22:57:32 +0000 UTC]
nice social commentary and decent rhyme. Β could use a bit of work on cadence but overall good. Β see my take in " Slaughter of the innocents."
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ElusiveStranger In reply to AllTheShadowsWriter [2011-03-06 17:11:59 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much and for the fav also.
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dark-anime-joel [2010-08-29 00:12:25 +0000 UTC]
This is a quite a stirring piece. The image of the child soldier you posted at the top stays in your mind as your read the piece and offers some an all to real reference point. Excellent work.
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ElusiveStranger In reply to dark-anime-joel [2010-09-29 23:50:27 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much
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Discordia-Kallisti [2010-08-05 17:06:50 +0000 UTC]
This is an excellent poem. Very true, sad and moving. A clear, strong and very important message. Thank you so much for sharing it.
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ElusiveStranger In reply to Discordia-Kallisti [2010-08-08 17:21:44 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the lovely feed back
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Discordia-Kallisti In reply to ElusiveStranger [2010-08-08 17:34:02 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome
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Kendra-Heartbreaker [2010-07-30 16:09:05 +0000 UTC]
wow this is good. and in the Artist comments u forgot the many kids who die from child abuse
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ElusiveStranger In reply to Kendra-Heartbreaker [2010-07-31 09:19:05 +0000 UTC]
Thank you.
There is much that I have left out about the horrors children face. Yes Child abuse is one of those things. Thank you for reminding me
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ElusiveStranger In reply to zookieloli [2010-07-29 13:58:08 +0000 UTC]
^^ thank you i really appreciate it!
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ElusiveStranger In reply to dryadforestking [2010-07-29 13:57:54 +0000 UTC]
thank you so much!
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platinummyr [2010-07-26 16:46:20 +0000 UTC]
Quick grammar edit:
"So tell my child how do you strive"
Did you mean me instead of my?
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ElusiveStranger In reply to platinummyr [2010-07-29 13:57:34 +0000 UTC]
ahah! yes i did thank you muchly! that's the trouble with being dyslexic can't see a mistake most of the time!
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platinummyr In reply to ElusiveStranger [2010-07-29 14:37:52 +0000 UTC]
That's the trouble with being a writer We don't see our own mistakes easily.
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ElusiveStranger In reply to platinummyr [2010-07-31 09:22:39 +0000 UTC]
That's very true as well!
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LemurianWanderer [2010-07-25 00:20:50 +0000 UTC]
This is a beautiful poem... The struggle is really felt through your words!
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ElusiveStranger In reply to LemurianWanderer [2010-07-29 13:56:52 +0000 UTC]
Thanks I enjoy writing poems like this but they also make me sad I want to try and help some of these kids one day
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ElusiveStranger In reply to Christianonfire7 [2010-07-29 13:55:56 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much
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ElusiveStranger In reply to NaraTaree [2010-07-29 13:54:59 +0000 UTC]
I know but when clichΓ©'s stop making me feel all fuzzy inside I'll stop writing them. =]
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Lolli333 [2010-07-18 01:04:47 +0000 UTC]
This is such a true poem. Not only does it cover the fact that children are suffering physicaly, but emotionaly. I'm 13 and while I dont have too many things to worry about, some of my friends do. More and more teens are just crying all the time and spilling their own blood. It's not so much a question of "When did we stop caring" but "When did we stop loving"
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ElusiveStranger In reply to Lolli333 [2010-07-29 13:55:48 +0000 UTC]
Thank you and I agree with you it is a very important question
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IcarryYour-Heart [2010-07-01 07:46:48 +0000 UTC]
This is beauty. And it's reality as well. Well done
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ElusiveStranger In reply to IcarryYour-Heart [2010-07-07 08:31:42 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
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AleciaMaria [2010-05-28 05:21:33 +0000 UTC]
absolutely beautiful, just like your heart. go to my gallery; I have a poem called Join us; you might like it
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ElusiveStranger In reply to AleciaMaria [2010-05-28 22:07:25 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
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winl996 [2010-05-21 06:18:16 +0000 UTC]
With your beautiful and soft words, you were able to create such a wonderful and heartwarming message about children and people living with poor lives. I love the rhyming and how you depict the lives of others in the world. I love how you mention that we may not be aware of the unfortunate lives in the world, but now we give them our care for their lives and our hopes for their future. The rhyming is superb as well.
Altogether, it's a beautiful and compelling message depicted in this poem. Brilliant work ^^
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ElusiveStranger In reply to winl996 [2010-05-21 09:38:46 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your feed back. I enjoyed writing this piece and I'm very happy that others enjoy like you have it means a lot to me thank you
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winl996 In reply to ElusiveStranger [2010-05-21 21:59:41 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome~ It's a pleasure reading your work ^^
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