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Published: 2010-11-18 17:50:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 13993; Favourites: 394; Downloads: 356
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It hurted.My stomach was hurting for days. Mama said it was probably ulcer or maybe my drinking of so much Coke. But I ate and I ate and never drank Coke, and still my stomach hurted. Even if Mama went to the place where herbal plants grow to get a bunch of leaves so that she could squish them and put them in my drink, my stomach didn't stop hurting.
Papa said it was time to call the doctor, so he put on his funny straw hat and went to call the doctor. And when he came back, there was a funny-looking man that followed him into our little house. He had long kinky hair with white stuff in it and when he smiled he had very few teeth. His skin was brown, and his clothes was brown, and his hair was brown. He looked like mud.
Papa said, This is Pachiko.
And I said, Hello Pachiko.
And Pachiko smiled with the very few teeth that he had. Then he touched my stomach. He touched it for a long time, long enough for me to ask why he was touching it.
Then he took his hand off my stomach and looked at me. I wondered why his eyes grew big and his skin turned from the color of tree trunks to the color of Papa's coffee. Then he said to Mama and Papa, "Let's go out," in his funny voice.
They talked outside, but I couldn't hear them. At first their voices were very quiet and then Mama screamed! Then Papa got all angry and started yelling things I didn't understand. Were they getting mad at Pachiko? Was he being a bad doctor?
I did not move from the chair I was sitting on until they came back inside. Pachiko went home already. Only Mama and Papa came in the door.
Pachiko the doctor went home already, but my stomach still hurted.
Mama hugged me immediately. It was scary because she was crying.
Why are you crying, Mama? Did Pachiko do something bad to you? I asked.
She just kept on crying. Papa was smoking a cigarette and staring out the window. That was something he did when he was thinking hard about something, like when it was still months before the harvest and he doesn't know where to get money.
They wanted me to sleep on their bed that night and I was really happy to. I lied down between them and listened to their talking while they thought I was asleep.
They were talking about a bird and how fast it was growing. There was a bird that they needed to get rid of.
Then Mama said something about me going to Trina's house and eating the food her grandma cooked.
You mean Old Lady Gila is a—? Papa asked.
Then Mama said probably and she said that Old Lady Gila must have put a stone in my food. But I didn't remember eating any stone.
Papa said something that sounded like Aaaargh, Why my daughter?
Then Mama talked about the bird again. She said that the bird needs to be killed because it will grow big and it will become hungry. And I will be hungry too and people will die. Mama seemed very sad.
Then I heard Papa cry. I wanted to reach to him, to hug him and say, Don't cry Papa, I'm not hungry yet, but I fell asleep before I could.
I had a funny dream that night.
I dreamed I was flying, and then I went into Nino's window. Nino and I are classmates. It was funny because in my dream, before I even knew it, Nino was lying on the floor with a big hole in his chest. And then instead of hands I had claws, and in my claws there is a soft red thing that is shaped like a mango. It was thumping like it was alive.
The most funniest part was that I ate it, gobbled it up like fried rice.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Papa woke me up early today, there was no sun yet.
We're going to the woods, Papa said.
And I got up even though I was very sleepy, washed my face and followed him.
He is carrying his really big gun as we walk. He uses it to shoot animals and scare people, but mostly to scare people. And I ask him why he bringed it but he don't answer. He just keeps on walking, and his face is as sour as an iba fruit. He doesn't even whistle the tune of It's a small World like he always does.
I ask, "Are we going to shoot birds today, Papa?"
He looks at me, and his face is the same as the doctor when he looked at me funny. Then he become serious again and looks at the trees.
He says, "Yes, babe, we are."
Related content
Comments: 419
Gricken In reply to JinShiranai [2011-01-22 16:26:37 +0000 UTC]
I can kill my characters if I wanted to.
Thank you for the fave!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
JinShiranai In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 16:29:06 +0000 UTC]
Yes. Yes you can. But I'd rather see the "bird" go on a murderous rampage.
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Gricken In reply to JinShiranai [2011-01-22 17:07:00 +0000 UTC]
Oh. Well, maybe in a different story.
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JinShiranai In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 17:11:26 +0000 UTC]
Alternate Universe Edition "Flutterings" is go!
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Gricken In reply to JinShiranai [2011-01-22 17:31:05 +0000 UTC]
Whut? I did not agree to an Alternate Universe Edition. You tricked me!
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JinShiranai In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 17:40:27 +0000 UTC]
I did no such trickery. Now when can I expect to see bird-related carnage?
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Gricken In reply to JinShiranai [2011-01-22 17:48:21 +0000 UTC]
I... I don't know yet! I don't even have a plot aside from birds eating people!
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Gricken In reply to JinShiranai [2011-01-25 13:34:15 +0000 UTC]
You look a little pale. Are you all right?
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JinShiranai In reply to Gricken [2011-01-25 13:51:33 +0000 UTC]
I'm fine. Thank you for caring tho.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VampiressBite [2011-01-22 14:18:23 +0000 UTC]
For some reason, the setting reminds me of South America in late 1800's, early 1900's. Are the girls family sharecroppers?
(just out of curiosity)
Also, what myth inspired this (or did it come entirely from your head)?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gricken In reply to VampiressBite [2011-01-22 15:17:39 +0000 UTC]
I don't really know much about South America. I based it on Filipino Folklore. But yeah, I imagined them to be sharecroppers.
Um, this [link] will explain it much better, although it doesn't say much about the transformation.
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VampiressBite In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 15:37:26 +0000 UTC]
South America at that time was still rife with segregation, so especially in the south (where, previously, african slaves had been worked to death in plantations), a lot of the "free" african-americans were forced into sharecropping, which was corrupt and run by rich white folk.
A bit of a history lesson.
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Gricken In reply to VampiressBite [2011-01-22 16:04:57 +0000 UTC]
Oh, wow. Thanks for the info. I think it makes sense if you related the story to them.
I'm guessing those rich folk don't pay their workers the right amount of wages, do they? They try to keep the sharecroppers poor and dependent on them.
We have almost the same system here in the Philippines, except that there's no forced labor. They just don't have a choice because jobs are scarce.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
VampiressBite In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 16:25:56 +0000 UTC]
Exactly - it was some of the few work people would give black folk, because of all of the prejudice. Sharecroppers were paid at the end of every year, supposedly according to how much they harvested, but they also had debts to pay because they had rent (they lived on the boss's land) and rented the tools too. The boss would manipulate the numbers and keep them permanently in debt.
I suggest reading the short story 'Frankie Mae' by Jean Smith. And have you heard about the Emmett Till case (which sparked the American civil rights movement)?
the only reason i'm being so smart-arsed is because i'm doing this subject at school right now
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Gricken In reply to VampiressBite [2011-01-22 17:03:17 +0000 UTC]
I am not American, so that would be a 'no.' Yes, yes, interesting stuff we have here. Ooh, I'll try to look for that.
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VampiressBite In reply to Gricken [2011-01-23 12:02:56 +0000 UTC]
I must say, it's pretty tear-provoking - Emmett Till was brutally murdered and mutilated for whistling at a white woman. He was 14.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
momotech In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 08:18:28 +0000 UTC]
wow daily dev na sa ba... hehehe congrats jes <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Starry-Anime In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 07:46:37 +0000 UTC]
this is amazing. i love the way you wrote it.
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Starry-Anime In reply to Gricken [2011-01-25 04:29:12 +0000 UTC]
no problem! love your icon by the way
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Darkheart006 [2011-01-22 07:25:51 +0000 UTC]
Very interesting and well-written. You can clearly see the confusion and uncertainty from the child's perspective. Simply amazing.
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Shalotta-Shadow In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 06:54:09 +0000 UTC]
Your writing style is the same as the novel "Room"
Have you read it? It's very similar with the first person perspective of a confused young child.
I like the last two pieces of dialogue, very emotional.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gricken In reply to Shalotta-Shadow [2011-01-22 12:58:30 +0000 UTC]
Thank you.
Um, who was the author? Maybe I might come across it.
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Shalotta-Shadow In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 16:02:20 +0000 UTC]
The author is Emma Donoghue- she's veeeery good. You should definitely read her works.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gricken In reply to Shalotta-Shadow [2011-01-22 16:48:16 +0000 UTC]
Cool. I'll put that on my reading list.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
BlueStar225 In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 06:23:34 +0000 UTC]
hmmm STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT XD its beauuutiful <3!
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DanDanTheDino [2011-01-22 06:11:56 +0000 UTC]
haha, i love the freedom you give us to try and figure this out. As much as i want to know what you were thinking ... i don't lol.
I also love how you relpy to everyones comments, its nice seeing an artist who take critisims nicely and tries to improve from it. it makes me smile
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gricken In reply to DanDanTheDino [2011-01-22 12:56:15 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much!
I'm a bit relieved you don't have a question.
Yes, well, I usually feel obliged to answer comments, whether they're good feedback or bad. It means that those people have actually taken the time to read your work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
DanDanTheDino In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 20:34:25 +0000 UTC]
hmm... i never thought about it like that, haha great insite!
keep up the super awesome work
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red-winged-angel In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 05:30:07 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow.. this is.. wow.. Very moving.
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red-winged-angel In reply to Gricken [2011-01-22 23:06:32 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome! I love your icon, btw!
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PreetikaSharma In reply to ??? [2011-01-22 04:56:32 +0000 UTC]
I never look through literature DDs, to be honest. But I couldn't stop myself when I saw the thumb in the footer. I'm glad I checked it out. I'll be watching you. Congratulations on the DD. I love this piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Gricken In reply to PreetikaSharma [2011-01-22 12:52:42 +0000 UTC]
I feel lucky, then. Thank you very much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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