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Jez123 — The Conversation - Coming Out
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Published: 2011-01-23 18:49:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 698; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 2
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"I just envy people who can take such a leap of faith.""Well, you know, i used to be able to do that."
"You used to?"
"Yeah...used to."
"Why not anymore?"
"Because the bible says...that homosexuality is a sin, and...i...like girls."
". . ."
"So, that just made me question my religion. You know?"
"You just said...that you like girls."
"Yeah."
"So...you're gay?"
"Yeah."
January 23, 2011. I love you, Dad. <3
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Comments: 87
You deserve applause for this, especially with how nervous you were before. I read your poem earlier today actually when you were fretting over it. I'm so glad it went well for you!
My coming out was kinda the same way... sorta. XD Mom and Dad were joking around about boys and how I'm so freaked out by them if they so much as take their shirt off. I think they thought I was just shy or something. Lol So like right in the middle of the conversation I was like "Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm gay."
Dad just sorta looked at me and said "Like we didn't know that already."
Mom didn't even blink. She was like "Well that's fine honey. As long as you find someone cool and interesting that you're happy with. You know, someone like your friend Courtney, then we're happy for you."
And I'm sitting there like 
Gotta love understanding parents. They didn't even ask me any questions or anything. Just went along like normal, watching Star Trek and such. I had way less butterflies than I thought I would, which is probably just because it was an unexpected and unplanned sort of thing...
But the point is, even if they do ask you questions that seem obvious, you should value them perhaps even more for it, because it shows they care and they're interested. And I wouldn't even worry about your siblings. If your parents took it well, then your siblings will also, since they were presumably raised by the same beliefs as your parents.
I wish you good luck in everything you do! =]
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Thank you so much for reading my earlier poem and this one!
"Like we didn't know that already."? loll nice xD So did you say yes to your friend Courtney? 
I think most coming outs are very random. Because there's no "perfect time", and people start to realize this, they just start coming out whenever loll i had mine "planned" the second i made plans with my dad to go to lunch, which was late at night the day before. But even that can be considered "long-term planning" when it comes to coming out of the closet 
I know(: i actually told both my parents (because they both asked) that they can ask me anything at all, and i would absolutely love to tell them(: i take pride in myself, and i know a lot of people are ignorant about the subject of the Community, so i'm not going to get all offended if they ask something like, "what does LGBT even stand for?" xD (my mom asked that haha) and i already know my sister is going to have the most issues with it (i have no idea how my bro will react, but i honestly don't even care xD) because my sister will think i'm "too young to know". She'll basically either think it's a phase, or think i'm confused 
Thank you very much!
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Well yes, I agreed to go out with her, but it was short-lived since we discovered we get along better as friends. I'm kind of happy it happened that way though because in an odd way I learned a lot about my own personality and got to draw all over all the walls in a bedroom. XD
Lol, well despite the nerves you at least got it out somehow, and that's the greatest relief. Just knowing that someone knows can take so much off your mind, it's incredible.
The note bit sorta reminds me of myself though, lol. I mean I hate talking about that kind of stuff with parents. It freaks me out a bit, so to get around what I perceived would be an awkward conversation, I planned to just write a letter to my mom since I was kinda embarrassed to tell her about it. I just wished she could know without me having to specifically tell her. I was ready just to slip the letter under my parent's door one morning and wait til they saw it. After about a week of carrying that letter around and debating when to do it, I decided it was stupid and in the end I'd only feel more embarrassed for being too embarrassed to just talk to her lol.
I'm in favor of the opinion that anyway that works, works. And therefore I am in full support of note-writing!
Older sister I suppose? They can be some of the worst I've heard. Ah well, just believe in yourself and she will undoubtedly follow, and if she really does think you're too young you could always try reversing the question on her 'Well then I suppose you were also too young to know if you were straight or not, right?' My guess is it'll either frustrate her or make her see the light =]
And, though I feel I've been blathering on and on, talking much too much as usual, I was more than happy to read your poems and leave you these exceedingly long comments. (^_^)
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Nice xD So you guys are friends now? That's actually really cool(:
Exactly(: it was weird though, cuz with my mom i didn't feel "relieved", i just felt nervous, even after i already said it. With my dad, though, i felt happy about it...which was awesome(:
I wasn't exactly embarrassed, i just legit-ly couldn't get myself to say it. And it wasn't the thought of coming out that i couldn't go through with, it was actually saying the word "gay" for the first time, in that context. I'll admit right here and now, i used to (and sometimes still do) use the term "that's so gay" to describe things. I don't take any offense whatsoever, though i have been a hypocrite and called people out on it from time to time lol but that's beside the point. But i'm glad you could just tell them, and not write it down. I was with my mom when i wrote it, at least, and it's not like i wrote her a letter. I actually took my iTouch in my hands and opened the notes, then wrote "i'm gay" and showed it to her. I deleted the note, and we sat down and talked for like 2 hours. I haven't connected well with my mom the past few years, so it was actually really nice(:
Exactly! Whatever the person is comfortable with, well, that's what's gunna work best for them
I actually came out to my sister last night (or, this morning?)! We were in the car at 2:30am, and she was talking about guys. Then she asked me, "so, you like any guys?" i just sat there a second, then answered, "nope." then she asked, "you think any guys are cute?" i smiled to myself (it was dark, so she couldn't see me) and i just said, "nope." and i had mentioned to her before that i was confused about whether or not i had a crush on this girl i met over the summer, so she actually brought that up xD she asked, "did you ever figure out that thing with the bisexual girl?" i laughed and said, "hey, i've been meaning to talk to you about that..." and i just said it. I told her closer to the beginning of the drive, and it took about half an hour, plus we were still talking about it another 15 minutes when we were in the house. She told me even if she does subconsciously think it's a phase, that she's absolutely no less accepting because of that. Then she got all mad cuz i told her i already told our mom, and i usually tell her everything first xD I told her i liked somebody at the moment, and her first thought was the girl over the summer...and i was just like, "no, i'm over her. but i latched onto somebody in getting over her..." and then i complained to her that this new girl is straight and has a boyfriend, and it took her TWO SECONDS to guess who it was xD then i found out my mom already guessed who it was, too! Like, really? I guess i'm not very discreet
I don't think you're talking too much lol i feel like people on dA don't like typing a whole bunch of words (or reading a whole bunch of words) because giant walls of words can be intimidating sometimes! lol but i personally love having long conversations with people, so you're all set(:
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Oh yeah I know what you mean about using it in that context. I mean, when I first got in the habit of telling people it felt awkward at first, I'm getting used to it now I think.
Hmm. That phrase is a bit tricky, because it depends on who says it sorta. If a person who you know is a total homophobe says it and they mean it in a way you know is meant to be awful, then it annoys me, but just in passing or in a lighthearted manner I don't mind. Actually I find it kind of hilarious when gay people say it.
I'm glad it went well with your sister though. Sounds like you've been doing a lot of talking lately. XD
Oh good. I always hate feeling like I'm talking too much. I also enjoy lengthy conversations.
I think a lot of people on the internet in general just become accustomed to short clipped messages that never really say enough to be called a conversation. Be it either that they're not willing to type out a message worth reading to a complete stranger, or that they simply have nothing to say is something I suppose we'll never know. Ah well. More giant walls of words for people like us I suppose. =]
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I found it a lot easier when i was telling my sister to use the term "gay", actually. I think it just takes some getting used to, you know? Though i honestly never said a word on my sexuality until i realized i might've been bisexual. And even then, i would never use the word straight. I hated that word, it was so awkward to say, and it was so uncomfortable. Bisexual is the easiest thing to say for me, actually
Yeah, the people i've called it out on all ended up trying to tell me how "wrong and sinful" homosexuality is, and how i'll be "condemned to hell" for being gay. I was just like, "dude, get a grip, what i do in my bedroom is none of your business anyway" loll and i LOVE IT when gay people say it!(:
I have been...pain in my ass, i hate talking (even though i love having conversations, which just makes me feel like a freak haha)
Yeah, i hate those little comments like, "I love it!" and then it's just like, "...thanks?" haha i always reply to every message i recieve, unless it's the end of a conversation, but i rarely ever have an actual conversation with anyone on dA
More text for us!!
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Lol, when people go the religious route I always like to call up other ridiculous things the bible says, like how eating shellfish is a sin, and wearing clothes made of two different kinds of fabric. It clearly states in the Leviticus that those are just as sinful as the whole gay thing, but does anyone pay attention to them? Nooooo. And what about the whole 'do not work on the sabbath ever because it is a day for rest and the worshiping of god' thing? An insurmountable number of people do that and nothing is ever said about it. Basically, it's in my opinion that people choose what laws they want to follow and which ones they don't. The whole homo=hell thing isn't about the bible at all. It's about people who think it's icky giving an excuse to hide it from sight just because they don;t want to see it. Of course if you ever tell that to a Christian they tend to get offended. =/
Yeah I always hate giving people those little comments, which is why I usually just add things to my favorites and move on. I also kind of dislike getting complements like 'I love your shirt!' because I never know what to say. It's not like I can say thanks, since I had no part in designing my clothes or anything. Just picked it off the rack cuz I thought it looked cool. In those situations I usually just nod and say something awkward like 'me too (hence why I am wearing it)'. XD
I reply to pretty much every comment I get, even if it's one word, just because I feel awkward leaving it hanging there.
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I know! I always like to call out, "the bible ALSO says drinking alcohol is a sin, and so is having sex before you're married, but do YOU do that? Nooo..." and then you can always point out the Ten Commandments: No lying, no stealing, worship God as the One and Only Lord, no adultery" blah blah blah. People do those things on a daily basis! And does it say a single thing about homosexuality in there? Nadda
Christians like that give the rest of us a bad name XP I'm totally Christian, and i don't even believe it's wrong to be gay. Do you know how many times the bible has been translated? The word "homosexual" didn't even exist back then
Loll niicceee...what's the shirt look like?
I can't reply to everything, cuz if someone just sends me a face, i mean...i'm not going to get into a emote war with them, you know? xD i've done that before, and it gets damn tiring
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It's awesome that Catholicism is like that. Two of my closest friends came from Catholic school actually. One of them is lesbian as well, and the other one came to school one day talking about a couple of her grandma's pastors getting married lol.
I think as a society we've come a long way though. I mean they used to put people in jail for that kind of thing, and even 50 years ago things were way worse than they are now, so I think eventually the rational side of things will win out. I mean, the way I look at it, bigots are a dying race. With every passing year there are less of them, and eventually intolerance will be a thing of the past. Now, it may not be any time in our lifetime, but the day will come. If we don't at least believe in that, then there's nothing to hold on to. We just have to keep our chins up and refuse to let the hypocrites get the better of us. =]
Hmm. The shirt I was thinking of is a Black Veil Brides band tee from Hot Topic.
Yeah, emote wars are only fun if done with really close friends, and even then , few and far between... I usually have fun with them though.
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It's sad that everyone targets Catholics as homophobes, though :\ A ton of Catholics are, yeah, but all of them? It just proves that everyone, of every orientation, discriminates so much, it should be considered the worlds favorite past-time.
Amen to that! I think nothing else must be said ;D
I actually JUST got into Black Veil Brides yesterday, like legit-ly...no joke xD I finally caved into my friend and listened to Knives and Pens(: it was friggin awesomee!
Oh Lordy, emote wars are just...i can take them to a certain point, and then they just drop dead. All the fun sucked out right then and there
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Your parents are about the most coolest parents I've ever heard of when it comes to handling coming out situations. You're very lucky!
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Yes, I'm very thankful for them. And after all the stories I've heard about parents dealing with this sort of thing, it still doesn't make much sense to me why parents would reject their own children for something so simple. I mean, I suppose I could vaguely understand it from a religious view, but still, it's not like it's akin to murder or thievery. I mean, some things are worse than others. No one ever says 'You will go to hell for eating shellfish' even though it's clearly stated as a sin in the same part of the bible. People just baffle me. =/
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see i dont really have THAT courage, my parents found out that i was bi, by reading my texts. but no one cept for my cousin and friend know that ive recently came lesbian. But bravos to you!! ^-^
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It's cool, only one of my friends knows i'm gay, everyone else thinks i'm bi...except for my parents. i recently realized i'm gay, too, and i didn't want to have to tell them twice lol
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Awwww! Haha u so funny! Coming out like that! I take my hat off to u love
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Coming out to my mom was even more awkward xD
"Mom, i have something to tell you."
"What is it?"
"Well, i can't really tell you."
"Why not?"
"I dunno, i just can't actually say it. I dunno why."
"You know you can tell me anything, honey."
"Yeah, i know. I still can't say it."
". . ."
"Can i write it down for you?"
"Sure."
*writing: I'm gay.*
". . ."
"Umm...yeah."
lol
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she was like, "are you sure? i mean, it could be a phase..." and then i glared at her, and she started stuttering like, "I mean, i maybe not! I don't know anything about these things!" lol
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Hahahaha aww. My mom said its also a phase, yeah a phase that lasts for 3 years and beyond, lmao, shes nuts
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haha i told my mom i've been at it for two years, and she STILL asked me if i was sure xD
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Haha! WOW, i swear parents are aliens sometimes
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That's pretty awesome, I'm glad things went great! (: And by the way, don't think just cause the bible says it's wrong, that God doesn't like you, or think of you any different, so forget what anyone else says, you're the same, and he made you, to be you, and you can finally do that!
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yeah! i was just telling my dad that i used to whole-heartedly believe, and after all that, i've found it harder. but i do believe God loves me(:
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I know it must be hard, with people probably telling you how wrong it is, that you like girls, but don't listen to them, it's not anyone's place to tell you that you are wrong. And That's all you need to know, that he loves you regardless. I don't mean to go all religious on you, I'm sorry, I'm taking way from the fact that you did it, and all is well. Congratulations!
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No one in reality has told me otherwise, though i've gotten hate through youtube. But whatevvs, i mean, they don't even know me
And thank you!
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Well that's good, I'm glad, I was just saying cause there are some stupid people out there. And that's true, you seem very awesome, people would just be missing out. And you're welcome. And just so you know, if you ever want anything prayed about or for, just let me know, I'd be happy to do so.
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I can only dream of doing that, and having it go smoothly.
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I don't know you, and we will probably never meet but....
I am very proud of you ^_^
Congratulations, hun
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Thank you so so much(: it means a lot!
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That's awesome, I'm happy for you ^^ My dad was "on the fence" for a while, and even thought that I was gay because I hadn't had a positive male role model before him...which doesn't really make that much sense once you think about it ^^' but anyways, I'm glad things worked out you and your father :]
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My mom was on the fence, and she asked me many times over if it was a phase, and kept asking, "are you sure? are you sure?"
her and my dad both tried to convince me not to come out at school. they don't get that i can't just stay in the closet for the next 3 1/2 years...that's hiding who i am. it's painful. but they're both fully supportive in my being happy, and they both know this wasn't my choice, but rather how i was born.
And they both asked me tons of questions lol i think this is actually a great chance for us all to reconnect, cuz i'm not very close with my family(:
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My mom was like that for a little bit, I think the only big thing is the whole "no children" thing cuz I'm the only kid of her and my dad ^^' and yeah having to stay in the closet sucks, I kinda have to since I live in a small town...very close-minded people -.-' but i'm glad things are good for you, especially when so many other outcomes could have occurred.
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Yeah, the whole "no children" thing shook my dad up a bit haha he got all pouty(x i was like, "Hey, guess what? At least now i won't be getting pregnant in high school!" haha he was just like, "ummm..."
Well once you get outta that town, you'll be home-free! Betcha can't wait for that, huh ;D
Yeah, things are pretty okay for now. I'm not afraid of my family rejecting me, they'll prolly all be cool with it. It's my school i'm afraid of
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