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learntoswim — All I Can Promise
Published: 2005-07-09 19:04:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 93; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
So many things in this world seem to be so uncertain:Spotlights focused on the rolling aside of the curtain
Reveal unto all no performers on stage, to be certain,
A scene-less performance and the outcome uncertain.
And all I can promise you
Is all of my love,
To enfold you in the very fabric
Of which my dreams are made of.
And all I can promise you
Is all of my care;
To be ensured you do not walk alone,
My hand will always be there.
And so many things in this world seem to be fading:
The light from above which no longer seems to be aiding
The bleak and comfortless plain on which all paths are braiding,
There seems to be not one lamp left to fend off the darkness pervading.
And all I can promise you
Is all of my love,
To show you in every way
That you're the one I've always dreamed of.
And all I can promise you
Is all my affection,
To silence your sorrows,
Turn away all imperfection.
So many things in this world seem to be lost:
The happiness — which seems to have always come with a cost —
In the times which are behind us can neither be relived nor recrossed,
And the words spoken then seem to be hollow and lost.
And all I can promise you
Is all of my love,
To tell you when our eyes first met,
I would swear you had come from above.
And all I can promise you
Is all of my heart,
To give you my love,
Even if your world falls apart.
And although so many things are uncertain, are fading, are become with a cost,
There will never be a day when my love for you is not certain, is fading, or lost.
For my hand will always be there to take and has been since the time our paths crossed.
And so all I can promise you
Is all of my love,
To enfold you in the very fabric
Of which my dreams are made of.
And this I will promise you —
Forever — forever, my love,
Forever you will be
The only one I dream of.
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Comments: 10
I love it. I can almost hear a song in my head as if it were put to music...it would be one of my favorite songs. Beautiful.
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Honestly, I feel the rhyme at the beginning of the stanzas seems too forced at times...
But I respect and admire the intent behind the poem and, aside from the occasional awjwardness from the rhyme, feel this is one of the better poems I have read on DeviantArt in a while.
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Glad you appreciate it, even though I do not agree with you on the rhyme thing. I guess it all depends on who reads it, their reading style, their own reading rhythme, how fast, etc.
But thank you very much for the appreciation. And for the Fav...definately.
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The first thing that I noticed was the rythem of the poem. Aside from the whole poetry thing, I get paid by being a studio bassist. Most of my work is contracted through a local hip-hop label; and your rhyme scheme and meter reminded me of their work. I'm not sure if you like that comment, or if you were going for that, but as someone who really does not like hip-hop, I admire and respect the guys that I work with.
Secondly, I'm not sure if I agree with your decision to alter the poem with the brackets. I have a lot of poetry that was written a long time ago and hence comes from a different state of mind. Part if what I get from reading my own writing is the ability to get back into that state of mind; whether that is good or bad. However, since the poem was written from that mind frame as art, I think that adapting it to a more current emotional state takes away from the poem's artistic integrity. Not sure of your thoughts on this matter though.
Sorry for the verbose comment, I tend to do that.
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Secondly, I'm not sure if I agree with your decision to alter the poem with the brackets. I have a lot of poetry that was written a long time ago and hence comes from a different state of mind. Part if what I get from reading my own writing is the ability to get back into that state of mind; whether that is good or bad. However, since the poem was written from that mind frame as art, I think that adapting it to a more current emotional state takes away from the poem's artistic integrity. Not sure of your thoughts on this matter though.
It took me awhile, but several months ago I started to agree with you. Thank you.
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Either way, I think that it is a hard descision for any of us to make. When you have a piece of work that is deeply meaningful, and those feelings then change, sometimes it is hard to look back on the person that you once were. The majority of the things that I wrote in the past, whether good or bad, have been thrown away because the mind frame that that art came from was so drastically different. I certainly understand why one would want to change their previous work.
Glad I could be of some help.
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I dont care. But I know how I feel. Perhaps I will change it; perhaphs not.
Thank you for the comment.
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*sniff, sniff* That was amazing...I wish someone would write something like that for me. I don't even know what to say....it was...breathtaking. :hugs:
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