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Published: 2004-04-14 00:27:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 145; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 7
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Roses, red and violets, blue;these two colors share a beauty true
when together as well when scarce and few;
their beauty forever turns the broken and ruined anew.
Red as the sky of the rising sun
when another day has just begun,
and you seem to be the only one
wishing the past could become undone.
Blue as the deepest waters and in between,
where the sky and water, on each other, seem to lean,
and the line of horizon cannot be seen,
is where a beauty exists so unforeseen.
With this beauty on my back as wings, I ascend
through heavens and halls in the sky, without end,
in between kingdoms and courtyards which only transcend;
and I hold my desire in the palm of my hand.
So pervasive and merciful is this desire--
the desire to live and to breathe and reach higher
to beyond where the voice that beckons me, that voice I inquire,
calls me back to the ground I’ve retired.
It beckons me, it holds me, I cannot deny it;
it embraces and caresses--I cannot defy it,
for it wraps me and takes me and I cannot shy it;
no more caress and embrace, I succumb and hence quiet.
But stay--I must stay! And remember your face,
be encompassed by my desire of your sweet embrace,
and feel my hands not bound by the thickest of lace--
I must stay; you must hold me till the end of my grace.
Entranced in the ebbing of that which now beckons me,
once banished, resurrected by that which I cannot see;
and I hear as it echoes through and around into the--
the part of me that will surrender to the most unholy enemy.
Falling and falling in silence, without a sound,
gravity pulling me back to the restraints of the ground
which, in falling and falling, I have but found
that by the rope of mortality, all along, I’ve been bound.
And to accept my defeat is to accept my mortality,
to accept the very chains which shackle my mentality;
o, mirror, mirror, reflection of humanity,
who is the one snipping away at the strings of my sanity?
That which hangs now only by a single thread,
this sanity is so real, yet so distant, so dead,
for I can no longer see the path on which I tread--
wandering alone, waiting to see daylight, lest my blood be shed.
And to feel surrounded by the warmth of fire from the hearth,
the passion surrounding, comfortingly caressing, rebirth,
is to witness the coming of the ship to its berth,
long awaited and hopeful--such a feeling of worth.
O, and now I can see what was dark and was shaded,
I can witness the beauty of that which was faded,
and look into the eyes of my reflection no longer fated,
for the water that holds it--my serenity--is no longer jaded.
And when looking closer into the reflection I see that I am not alone,
for you are standing behind with lantern in hand and calling me home,
back up to the sky where once I have flown
with you by my side, up where so bright the light shown.
And I am back in the heavens and halls in the sky without end;
I am back to the kingdoms and courtyards which only transcend,
I am holding my desire in the palm of my hand,
and I am side by loving side with the one whom I will be with till the end.
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Comments: 8
HiddenRelevance [2005-02-16 19:37:11 +0000 UTC]
man.. this is awesome chico.. stunning word choice and incredible emotion throughout the entire peice.. i think i like this better than the other piece of your's I read actually..lol..
however (sorry..lol) you accidently take away from one of the most powerful parts of this. I read in some of your comments on the Recollections/My Reflection that some people get daunted by the length of your work and this actually had a rhythm that pulled you through each of the 4 line (couplets? no clue). What occasionally lost you some of that internal pull was your tendency to occasionally get TOO wordy. I've done it too..lol.. it's that need to add one or two more words cuz of course! they should make it better.. but they don't. Some of these lines would be even more powerful if you slightly tightened them to take advantage of that rolling feel.
Like I said.. I loved it.. and I'm just trying to add even more...Hope I was helpful!
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learntoswim In reply to HiddenRelevance [2005-02-16 21:29:40 +0000 UTC]
I know what you mean. I would appreciate it if you would tell me which parts are too word though! So maybe I can see if I wanna change it.
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HiddenRelevance In reply to learntoswim [2005-02-17 03:25:55 +0000 UTC]
cool! can do! I may copy and paste it into a note or something to make it easier to see!
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learntoswim In reply to HiddenRelevance [2005-05-15 16:37:05 +0000 UTC]
You still should do that for me! I know youve probably been busy. But Id still like it a lot.
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Portamento [2004-05-24 22:19:18 +0000 UTC]
unlike me..your poems are uplifting...at least, to a certain extent.
and look into the eyes of my reflection no longer fated,
for the water that holds it--my serenity--is no longer jaded.
And when looking closer into the reflection I see that I am not alone,
for you are standing behind with lantern in hand and calling me home,
very comforting imagery...also...your range of vocabulary and choice of diction is amazing, especially for your age...your rhymes seem to come naturally and effortlessly...which i know is ironic...as it must not have been. i noticed that you've worked in some internal rhyme as well as end rhyme...which i appreciate very much. your work certainly deserves more attention than it's receiving...i wish you well
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learntoswim In reply to Portamento [2004-05-25 02:50:43 +0000 UTC]
thank you so much for your words and your favorite . . . you dont know how appreciated they are . . . thanks a lot . . .
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Existe [2004-04-15 13:24:01 +0000 UTC]
2 things...first I really enjoyed this piece. I have never been a rhyme person when I wrote, but I have to admit it was a lot of your work that got me rethinking that and trying it in my own work. So I really like how you flow your work with imagery and rhyme. Second this poem to me can almost be two separate pieces. The first 3 stanza (correct term?) can almost be broken and reworked into one piece leaving the other two stanzas as themselves, another piece.
I enjoy your work as always, thank you for inspiration and sharing!
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