HOME | DD

Description
The Secrets I Keep
(Quoted lines from 'Cold' by 'xXirisIsdeadXx')
24-11-10

My heart used to have a cold exterior,
It was encased in walls of protective ice.
Many thought me 'anti-social',
'uncommunicative', 'intimidating'.
(God must have been having a bad day when it came to creating me
I simply didn't know how to let the warmth out.

Behind blank eyes and abnormal reactions,
Underneath this exterior people never took the time to know,
Was a secret I'd encased in ice after the first 'friend'
Threw the first daggers
And pierced me with teasing, taunting, torturing words.
A secret frozen for many years:
Inside my heart, flowed love...warm and pure.

(Maybe God hadn't made such a mistake on my creation day?)
Somehow, love never warmed me...
...but I could always use it to warm others
When their lives turned cold and lonely.
Love never held me close in comfort.
But knowing I could warm and comfort others
Somehow made life tolerable.

Few took the time to look past the ugly cover,
The terrible blurb,
And learn the secret within me.
(God made it hard for His other children to love me.)
But once someone broke through the ice
And fought off my guards and wordy-weapons,
There was love to warm their chapped and frostbitten fingers.

Then, God threw a twist into the story.
He brought me a boy, who said he loved me.
In my naivety, I believed God knew best...
...and gullibly loved the boy with my whole being:
I let love begin to warm my icy heart.

But the boy took my love and trust and shattered it
Without regard to how it would affect me.
And once again love left me outside in the cold,
While it sat drinking cocoa by the fire with everyone else.

Then, God (again) threw a twist into the story.
He brought me a miracle, an accidental child.
In my naivety, I believed God knew best...
...and gullibly loved the child with more love than I thought I had:
For a few blissful weeks love warmed me,
I wasn't cold and heartless anymore;
Warmth crept out of my heart and into my life.
I let my heart out of its frozen prison
And it showed me I could love beyond sanity,
Beyond what I thought myself capable of.

Then (again), God threw in a twist to the story.
He lifted his hand from my miracle
And let its heart slowly beat to a stop.
He took my love and showed me how worthless it was to Him.
(Why had I bothered to love Him all these years?)
He ripped my love from me in my child's death,
And warmth slipped away from my heart.

It wasn't Death with his scythe and hood
Who came and stole the warmth away,
It was God with His 'perfect plan'
Who stole my love, my baby and my heart.

So I decided I wouldn't love anymore;
Not Him, not anybody.
(Especially not Him.)
I would encase my heart in ice so thick,
Only the brave, or foolish, would ever be able to find it.

Now, now I have a new secret.
"I have to keep my heart guarded and cold,
Because if love warms it,"
If love escapes to wrap its arms around someone
And bring them close to me,
My heart couldn't survive.
"It will surely crack"
And shatter into so many pieces,
That all the King's children, ladies and men
Could never hope to help me become whole again.

:) (Smile) — Description
The Secrets I Keep
(Quoted lines from 'Cold' by 'xXirisIsdeadXx')
24-11-10

My heart used to have a cold exterior,
It was encased in walls of protective ice.
Many thought me 'anti-social',
'uncommunicative', 'intimidating'.
(God must have been having a bad day when it came to creating me
I simply didn't know how to let the warmth out.

Behind blank eyes and abnormal reactions,
Underneath this exterior people never took the time to know,
Was a secret I'd encased in ice after the first 'friend'
Threw the first daggers
And pierced me with teasing, taunting, torturing words.
A secret frozen for many years:
Inside my heart, flowed love...warm and pure.

(Maybe God hadn't made such a mistake on my creation day?)
Somehow, love never warmed me...
...but I could always use it to warm others
When their lives turned cold and lonely.
Love never held me close in comfort.
But knowing I could warm and comfort others
Somehow made life tolerable.

Few took the time to look past the ugly cover,
The terrible blurb,
And learn the secret within me.
(God made it hard for His other children to love me.)
But once someone broke through the ice
And fought off my guards and wordy-weapons,
There was love to warm their chapped and frostbitten fingers.

Then, God threw a twist into the story.
He brought me a boy, who said he loved me.
In my naivety, I believed God knew best...
...and gullibly loved the boy with my whole being:
I let love begin to warm my icy heart.

But the boy took my love and trust and shattered it
Without regard to how it would affect me.
And once again love left me outside in the cold,
While it sat drinking cocoa by the fire with everyone else.

Then, God (again) threw a twist into the story.
He brought me a miracle, an accidental child.
In my naivety, I believed God knew best...
...and gullibly loved the child with more love than I thought I had:
For a few blissful weeks love warmed me,
I wasn't cold and heartless anymore;
Warmth crept out of my heart and into my life.
I let my heart out of its frozen prison
And it showed me I could love beyond sanity,
Beyond what I thought myself capable of.

Then (again), God threw in a twist to the story.
He lifted his hand from my miracle
And let its heart slowly beat to a stop.
He took my love and showed me how worthless it was to Him.
(Why had I bothered to love Him all these years?)
He ripped my love from me in my child's death,
And warmth slipped away from my heart.

It wasn't Death with his scythe and hood
Who came and stole the warmth away,
It was God with His 'perfect plan'
Who stole my love, my baby and my heart.

So I decided I wouldn't love anymore;
Not Him, not anybody.
(Especially not Him.)
I would encase my heart in ice so thick,
Only the brave, or foolish, would ever be able to find it.

Now, now I have a new secret.
"I have to keep my heart guarded and cold,
Because if love warms it,"
If love escapes to wrap its arms around someone
And bring them close to me,
My heart couldn't survive.
"It will surely crack"
And shatter into so many pieces,
That all the King's children, ladies and men
Could never hope to help me become whole again.