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~Are you ready for a freaky story, kiddies? You'd only understand if you're high on powder-vodka or drunk on hormone laced milk. It is that crazy, you wouldn't believe me. *HIC!*

According to a random NPC in a hacked Zelda game, Link is a wolfaboo and possibly affilliated with the werewolves from Twilight and related to Ted Nugent.
Why Ted Nugent, kiddies? Go look him up, this thing is not going to be *HIC!* about him.

Link's poor little life has been buttfucked by the shrewd timeline-- if there was one! And he'd probably go insane if he knew he was reincarnated. Wait, so your pretty boy elfy is buddhist? That's not a bad thing, that's a heavy contrast from the Eurocentricism of the theme aside from the writing systems loosely based on Japanese syllabaries.

And Zelda... she hasn't shown the pretty boy much love since... ever. You all think she's a bitch for that, right? Think about this, it's her way of telling him he's not her type. I wouldn't blame her, a sophisticated princess would not screw a homespun fellow who lives a scruffy, wild lifestyle. Who knows what diseases- STDs included -he has picked up?

Dudes, dudettes. You catchin' on? This is a story about some semi-sober dude who has no sense of fucking direction. I can't even fly~!

And who is that albino dude? What's his name? Giraff'd? And who plumped his lips to be bigger than Snooki's ass and Donald Trump's ego combined? Why is he emo? Why won't he get his Gene Simmons-esque tongue out of his own ass? Oh, I forgot, those ARE his fat lips. My mistake! I apologize, sweethearts! *HIC HIC HIC!*

Either way, it seems he's already got Link's ass licked. [Pervy pun ftw!]
Tis kinky to go after some guy who used to climb like a rhinoceros- real slow like -isn't it? Wait, elfy got fast? DAMN! Who gave him redbull and steroids? Nobody I know, that's fo sho.

Does anyone remember CDI Zelda? CDI Link must've had a squirrel under his hat. I mean, just look at that pompador! Oh, it's real? King Harkinian should never cut your hair ever again, kid. Speaking of kids, where's Link's parents? No wonder....

Hey man, I can fly! *HIC!* Uhhh, where was I?
Oh, Ganondorf Dragmire. What can be said about that pig? Uhmhum, he's an idiot. Real pigs are smarter. Enough said!

Please don't get me started on how Hylians came from bird like thingadoodles. Not sure how that happened, but Nintendo logic bends everything any way, yet they haven't bent my spine the wrong way yet for writing this. Oh sweet mercy, not my spine.
I guess Gerudo come from pigs then? Only "he" knows.

It's about time I go. Before I do, I ask you to think about these crazy, half sober thoughts for a while. Don't let the door smack anyone's ass on the way out. Link is loosely based on Peter Pan and any European tale with a forest-dwelling, pipe-playing elf. No, seriously. The octoroks even approve this idea. Everyone knows they're republicrats, those octoroks.

And now I leave, with you either laughing your ass off or feeling very pissed.
The end, have a nice day, happy holidays everyone!

Description
~Are you ready for a freaky story, kiddies? You'd only understand if you're high on powder-vodka or drunk on hormone laced milk. It is that crazy, you wouldn't believe me. *HIC!*

According to a random NPC in a hacked Zelda game, Link is a wolfaboo and possibly affilliated with the werewolves from Twilight and related to Ted Nugent.
Why Ted Nugent, kiddies? Go look him up, this thing is not going to be *HIC!* about him.

Link's poor little life has been buttfucked by the shrewd timeline-- if there was one! And he'd probably go insane if he knew he was reincarnated. Wait, so your pretty boy elfy is buddhist? That's not a bad thing, that's a heavy contrast from the Eurocentricism of the theme aside from the writing systems loosely based on Japanese syllabaries.

And Zelda... she hasn't shown the pretty boy much love since... ever. You all think she's a bitch for that, right? Think about this, it's her way of telling him he's not her type. I wouldn't blame her, a sophisticated princess would not screw a homespun fellow who lives a scruffy, wild lifestyle. Who knows what diseases- STDs included -he has picked up?

Dudes, dudettes. You catchin' on? This is a story about some semi-sober dude who has no sense of fucking direction. I can't even fly~!

And who is that albino dude? What's his name? Giraff'd? And who plumped his lips to be bigger than Snooki's ass and Donald Trump's ego combined? Why is he emo? Why won't he get his Gene Simmons-esque tongue out of his own ass? Oh, I forgot, those ARE his fat lips. My mistake! I apologize, sweethearts! *HIC HIC HIC!*

Either way, it seems he's already got Link's ass licked. [Pervy pun ftw!]
Tis kinky to go after some guy who used to climb like a rhinoceros- real slow like -isn't it? Wait, elfy got fast? DAMN! Who gave him redbull and steroids? Nobody I know, that's fo sho.

Does anyone remember CDI Zelda? CDI Link must've had a squirrel under his hat. I mean, just look at that pompador! Oh, it's real? King Harkinian should never cut your hair ever again, kid. Speaking of kids, where's Link's parents? No wonder....

Hey man, I can fly! *HIC!* Uhhh, where was I?
Oh, Ganondorf Dragmire. What can be said about that pig? Uhmhum, he's an idiot. Real pigs are smarter. Enough said!

Please don't get me started on how Hylians came from bird like thingadoodles. Not sure how that happened, but Nintendo logic bends everything any way, yet they haven't bent my spine the wrong way yet for writing this. Oh sweet mercy, not my spine.
I guess Gerudo come from pigs then? Only "he" knows.

It's about time I go. Before I do, I ask you to think about these crazy, half sober thoughts for a while. Don't let the door smack anyone's ass on the way out. Link is loosely based on Peter Pan and any European tale with a forest-dwelling, pipe-playing elf. No, seriously. The octoroks even approve this idea. Everyone knows they're republicrats, those octoroks.

And now I leave, with you either laughing your ass off or feeling very pissed.
The end, have a nice day, happy holidays everyone!