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ScriptWeaver — And Thus the World Ends.
Published: 2011-05-05 00:39:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 109; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description This day is done,
one battle won...

My life reminds me of loss. Sometimes I sit at home and cry. Its funny in a way; I sit and cry the day away. It really makes me think, why all this misery? Why all the hate? Must we resort to violence? It sickens me. Those crooked smiles. Their answer is immunity. Are you still immune if you carry the disease? Such thinking only makes it spread. A cold turned to a plague. For illness there is no cure. It grows and festers, hidden by the skin. It only shows in wrinkled brows of men you might call kin. And to it we are all akin. None are innocent, none are free. Hate even tempts me now. My life is built around it. My family fed upon it. The world it seems abhores it, then cast away the memory, a broken thing among many perfect pearls. How delerious, said pearls of destruction. Here it sits, their hate below my palm. How easy it would be to turn it on itself. It would mean the end, but not of all great things. Life would indeed live. Forgoten in a fractured plate, a crack below the sea. And so it goes as it should, the death bell has been rung.

Man's final song is sung.
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Comments: 23

SnoFox22 [2011-10-01 05:19:17 +0000 UTC]

Nice Job.

I love the way you got everything across in such a shot piece of writing.

I so need some practice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to SnoFox22 [2011-10-01 16:50:09 +0000 UTC]

Yep this is my first piece and well . It's defently not my favorite piece but I like it. I would love to read some of your work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SnoFox22 In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-10-02 02:36:54 +0000 UTC]

I've actually almost finished a character profile of sorts. The after I may start writing some stuff.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to SnoFox22 [2011-10-02 02:38:46 +0000 UTC]

Cool. I saw your idea for ARKs. It's really neat.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SnoFox22 In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-10-02 02:45:07 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to SnoFox22 [2011-10-02 02:46:11 +0000 UTC]

NP.

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XxSilentseerxX [2011-09-18 04:15:00 +0000 UTC]

I really love this idea! It's very unique, but I think you can expand on; however, awesome job!! I've offically faved your entire gallery plus commited

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to XxSilentseerxX [2011-09-18 04:23:02 +0000 UTC]

Flattery will get you everywhere. Thanks for the feedback you have been extreamly helpful. I hope one day to return the favor but tomorrow I have a ton of homework. I have partialy read your story Into The West. Your no slaker yourself when it comes to your writing. You have a great talent.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

XxSilentseerxX In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-09-18 04:24:48 +0000 UTC]

Ohh it's quite fine I enjoyed reading through your gallery and helping you However thanks so very much for reading Into the West and awwwe thanks!!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to XxSilentseerxX [2011-09-18 04:26:55 +0000 UTC]

Well to be honest I haven't read all of it yet but you've done very well so far!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

XxSilentseerxX In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-09-18 04:28:41 +0000 UTC]

Awwwe thanks still I'm happy if you just end up reading that much lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to XxSilentseerxX [2011-09-18 04:29:40 +0000 UTC]

But I won't be. I want to read more!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

XxSilentseerxX In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-09-18 04:30:25 +0000 UTC]

Yay! That means I did something good

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to XxSilentseerxX [2011-09-18 04:35:51 +0000 UTC]

Don't be so modest. You do a wonderful job at writing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

XxSilentseerxX In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-09-18 04:36:49 +0000 UTC]

Awwwwwwe

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

W-Lupus [2011-05-07 00:04:53 +0000 UTC]

Well, firstly you'll need to read over this again and think about a few things. Viewpoint and voice; think about making the perspective clearer here. I understand your aim here, but I think it can be make much clearer. Also, try to show more. A lot of the content of this story is revealed in straight narration. Fine, but this is also an emotional piece. Demonstrate his depression, that way it helps the voice of the narrator stand out and become relatable to the reader. I say this because I get the feeling this can be expanded upon, because you've potentially got some very complex emotions going on here. It seems almost too easy for the man to eradicate not just humanity, but all complex life, innocent things. Perhaps when you make edits try to really grapple with these emotions, and that in turn will make this piece more powerful.

One last thing, be sure to check over your spellings. Typo's are a pain and we all miss them so don't feel bad about that. I miss things too you know. Just remember to add in the apostrophe on "It's funny in a way."

Still, this has potential. You've decided to tackle a controversial theme here, and that is worth credit. The idea is good; I just think you can make the execution of it even better. Keep up the good work!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to W-Lupus [2011-05-07 00:19:41 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I realize it's way to short but I guess this was more like a journal entry than a full fledged story. However expanding on my ideas wouldn't hurt either. I am sorry about my spelling it has proven to be problematic in the past, and most likly will be in the future too. Thank you again! Now I can go back and rebuild and better story with a stronger base.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

W-Lupus In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-05-08 19:14:04 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! With effort you'll slove those problems.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to W-Lupus [2011-05-10 01:16:46 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for your confidince. I'll be sure to earn it some day!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

W-Lupus In reply to ScriptWeaver [2011-05-10 15:24:37 +0000 UTC]

No problem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

J-RavenEye [2011-05-05 10:21:43 +0000 UTC]

I can feel the mans depression as my own, and only a few have done that! Did he detonate the missile on the launch site? (he seemed to cosider it for a moment there). Overall good job with this, I like it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

ScriptWeaver In reply to J-RavenEye [2011-05-05 19:14:21 +0000 UTC]

Interpretation is up to you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ScriptWeaver In reply to J-RavenEye [2011-05-05 13:55:04 +0000 UTC]

Thanks to be honest this piece was kind of built on a whim and I didn't put too much thought into it. I'm glad you like it though. On my book I promise to consider more carfuly how things are going to be planed out.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0