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ScriptWeaver — Moments
Published: 2012-01-14 07:14:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 141; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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Description Light are earthly angels.
The stars our night protectors.

Spinning round the sky, a sun.
We dance on its pale sister.

Laugh and play in silent space.
Cast shadows on the moon.
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Comments: 21

Eternaliferocks [2012-02-23 23:11:37 +0000 UTC]

This is awesome! Thanks for submitting it to our group!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to Eternaliferocks [2012-02-23 23:13:12 +0000 UTC]

XD Thanks. And thank you for fixing the gallery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Eternaliferocks In reply to ScriptWeaver [2012-02-23 23:15:56 +0000 UTC]

sorry it took so long... it was really bumming me out... everything in it now should work

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ScriptWeaver In reply to Eternaliferocks [2012-02-23 23:18:09 +0000 UTC]

XD It does. You did good man.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Eternaliferocks In reply to ScriptWeaver [2012-02-23 23:24:20 +0000 UTC]

if i only heard things like that more often then i might believe it every once in a while... I got to go... all the folders should be working now... i will get on later night and i need to talk about something... a lot more serious then last time... if that is ok... but i am gone now... be back in about 1 1/2 to 2 hours... cya

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to Eternaliferocks [2012-02-23 23:27:07 +0000 UTC]

Okay. I'll be here.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dream-Nova [2012-01-16 17:07:56 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. Great work as always!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to Dream-Nova [2012-01-16 17:09:07 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Amriah [2012-01-16 00:44:51 +0000 UTC]

I have to warn you -- or maybe *W-Lupus has already warned you -- but I am really into nitpicking and grammar. My comments aren't meant to offend you or tell you that you, personally, suck or something.

Now that the disclaimer is out and about, I have to say that your imagery is solid. The only thing lacking is your grammar and punctuation. In the first stanza it should be lights, not light. "Spinning round the sky a sun" should have a comma before "a sun", so it looks like "spinning round the sky, a sun." If you were intentionally leaving commas out then it could still work, but it would definitely make me twitch. Not that that's utterly important, mind you.

Also, "it's" should be "its" on the "We dance on its pale sister" line. It's is the contraction it is. Its is a word that signals possession and connection.

All in all, I like this. It's both sci-fi and poetry!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to Amriah [2012-01-16 00:47:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. You're right on almost all counts. I'll fix those. But "light" is okay as I'm talking about their weight not their brightness.

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Amriah In reply to ScriptWeaver [2012-01-16 00:55:59 +0000 UTC]

Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were talking about weight. For some reason I was associating it with brightness, maybe because of the angle reference.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

ScriptWeaver In reply to Amriah [2012-01-16 00:57:32 +0000 UTC]

That's okay. I'm very grateful you helped me out. I hate it when I make simple mistakes like comas and 's.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Amriah In reply to ScriptWeaver [2012-01-16 01:31:21 +0000 UTC]

Oh, me too. No matter how long you've written, you'll always make those mistakes. In lesser amounts, maybe, but it'll still happen.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to Amriah [2012-01-16 02:03:59 +0000 UTC]

Y WiI NO PERFECT?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Amriah In reply to Amriah [2012-01-16 00:56:57 +0000 UTC]

Wow, yeah. Angels... not angle. Ugh, fail on my part.

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ScriptWeaver In reply to Amriah [2012-01-16 00:59:33 +0000 UTC]

No worries.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

rioza [2012-01-15 01:37:30 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful! Just gorgeous.
Don't you dare move it! >:0

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to rioza [2012-01-15 01:38:08 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. I won't.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

J-RavenEye [2012-01-14 18:30:32 +0000 UTC]

Don't move it!
I think it's just as good as many of the other pieces you have uploaded!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ScriptWeaver In reply to J-RavenEye [2012-01-14 18:53:30 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

J-RavenEye In reply to ScriptWeaver [2012-01-15 15:43:42 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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