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Published: 2004-09-05 07:40:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 30216; Favourites: 232; Downloads: 7828
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Description
we played the gamelike a dance
across the dancefloor
it was sweet
i bit my lip
for you
to taste the bitterness in my mouth
that is how serious
of a play it was
round and round
it was a good tango
and
finished with the most violent of moves
a tear would run down
my surprised face
i was only defeated
when you made me come
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Comments: 215
I write poetry lots
and i went through lots of your pictures and came back to this one to mark as my faviorte because of the poem!!
tango.. perhaps i too will write a poem about the tango..
hope to have more pix up soon but today i got 3 poems so happy about that..
love the last line "when you made me come"
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I like how the audience can picture what you mean. It's very good. Keep writing
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It was very nicely written until the last stanza.
The first half is visual and pleasing to think about, however just that last stanza does not quite fit into the rest of the piece.
"a tear would run down
my surprised face
i was only defeated
when you made me come"
You are talking about them tangoing in the sexual sense but this stanza is too straight forward for the rest of the piece and is slightly awkward to say out loud.
Maybe try for something softer like,
"Our physical bodies were worn
from such an erotic encounter
that a single tear slid from my eye
and landed as the final chord struck"
Not as straight forward but leans more into how you had originally been writing the poem.
This is just a suggestion however.
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i think it says "Critique Not Desired" above the comemnt box. im not a poet/writer.
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sorry, I had not looked at it carefully enough. my mistake.
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Incredible. I love the balance of sensality and raw sexual imagery here - really captured the tango. Love it!
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you're getting me hooked with your work...very,very nice....
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holy fucking god i fucking love this. There are not enough words to describe what an amazing artist you are.
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I think it is good that you have the ablitity to captivate people with not only your photographs, but you can give a talented hand at literature too. well done.
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beautiful... pain, seduction and love... wonderful convinations..!
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wow, great images.
i really like the part about biting the lip just for the one you love.
fits my current mood exactly.
the picture is beautiful
[and josh groban is amazing]
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i understand the feeling about sensitivity... but i dont think you have anything to be sensitive about... its good work
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*sigh*
I just found this again after fave-ing it aaaaages ago!
And it has an even stronger effect on me....
learning to Tango
The dance
...and my way thru life with someone truly worth it!
thank you!
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keep writing - "game" is good: lean and suggestive. nice touch with the photo
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And she can write too, ladies and gentlemen!! 
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i liked the poem. but i LOVE the picture. the fact that not all of them is showed.. and that shadow is cast over most of the picture.. is alluring. nice <3
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wow,i just have to fave this so i can come back and read it again and again,brilliant.
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I liked it. Specially when it says "that is how serious/of a play it was".
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if u wanted to improve your poetry, i think you could work on expression ur emotions moreso and expressing them through ur metephor of the 'dance'
otherwise it's a very nice piece...
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no t4earing apart here, none needed, hti sexactly fits my feelings which i had a few days ago.. thanks ever so much for wrting this piece
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the black passion of a tango..
i like all that black that gives *light* to the sensual act...
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I love it and won't tell you why since you don't want critic!
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i won't tear it apart to ananlyze jus simply say this is a beautiful piece and poetry caught in time
LS
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