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Published: 2004-09-05 07:40:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 30216; Favourites: 232; Downloads: 7828
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Description
we played the gamelike a dance
across the dancefloor
it was sweet
i bit my lip
for you
to taste the bitterness in my mouth
that is how serious
of a play it was
round and round
it was a good tango
and
finished with the most violent of moves
a tear would run down
my surprised face
i was only defeated
when you made me come
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Comments: 215
I love the lighting and the darkness. Beautiful piece
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Youve managed to create quite an effective rhythm running through the poem, and this helps it to flow nicely from the line to line.
Its also a good narative that builds to the final lines.
I especially like the lines:
i bit my lip
for you
to taste the bitterness in my mouth
Don't be too critical of your poetry, this is really good.
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thank you for the supportive feedback
jen
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nice, i love your choice of words.
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i dont read poetry so i cant give you a valotation for this one ....
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you see i do really like this
its very good poetry, i wish i could write like that
good previe piece, you were lucky
wonderful
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very nice. Flows along nicely. And gives good visuals.
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