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suzi9mm โ game
Published: 2004-09-05 07:40:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 30216; Favourites: 232; Downloads: 7828
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Description
we played the gamelike a dance
across the dancefloor
it was sweet
i bit my lip
for you
to taste the bitterness in my mouth
that is how serious
of a play it was
round and round
it was a good tango
and
finished with the most violent of moves
a tear would run down
my surprised face
i was only defeated
when you made me come
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Comments: 215
I'd rather rip off my toenails than fave this.
Oh, let me correct this, I don't want people to get angry. It's just that I saw this in the top favourites, where it shouldn't be. This isn't a bad poem, there's nothing seriously wrong here and the poem doesn't make me angry but it's inappropriate for the community to give hosts of favourites only because the writer is a widely respected top-fav' artist. (And a Finnish one too.) I've seen this phenomenom many times earlier here.
It's unfair. The community suffers from misuse of the favourite functionality.
This wasn't objected to you, the artist. Your visual art is something very special, but as you already acknowledged yourself, you're an amateur poet. Of course, that's not a bad thing at all and has got nothing to do with this problem.
So, to adjust the first sentence a bit: I'm worried about this policy of mass-faving only because a popular artist submits a new deviation (no matter how good or bad it is), since it takes lots of attention away from poets who work weeks and months with their poems really trying to improve. People who have written years. I won't participate in this abuse. It's not very friendly for the deviant either (he/she doesn't get constructive criticism at all because of "omg lol kawaii fav+" people).
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i'm not gonna comment on the main point of the comment since it wasn't directed at me anyways. i just wanted to say that i bursted laughing (not in a bad way) when u wrote that "it's inappropriate for the community to...because the writer is a widely respected top-fav artist. (and a finnish one too.)". it sounds like you see a lot of finnish top-fav artists getting heaps of fav's they don't perhaps deserve 
anyways, that's all, take care
jen
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I said that because I'm Finnish myself. 
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You are so very right. I see this all the time, and it really is with poetry. Some deviant with a like a 100,000 page views posts a poem, or prose and everybody favs it, and its not very good, its not bad, but its not anything worth being a top fav. I never say this to people because well the things I post are quite bad. The other thing about constructive criticism is so factual as well. I see people writing, I like it-- well do tell why you like it. Anyways I really agree with you.
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Yeah, but maybe the way I expressed my view wasn't the best one. But the first sentence was like that because I wanted people to notice it and maybe read through the rest of the comment.
This is truly odd because I have never seen so many favourites on a single poem. 59, that is unbelievable. Even my favourite poet here on deviantART doesn't have so many favs in all as this poem here has now. This is the phenomenom what I was talking about. Now if people browse poems and sort them according to favourites, do they really get what they were looking for?
I guess if Sylvia Plath or Ezra Pound were writing here, they would get 0-10 favourites altogether.
I can't really say that the fault is + suzi9mm 's or even those who fave these poems. It seems to be some kind of natural law here. Just browse the top favourite poems: I see but one really good poem, which is Khe Sanh rivers by * shotgunmessiah . The rest is... well not maybe bad, but nothing to be considered real poetry. Sorry to say this.
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"Critique Discouraged"....eerrr how's it going? eheheh actually it turned out pretty nice. 
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lol, Im not entirely sure myself
ultimately (from my perspective) it is comparing sex to a "tango". the dance between 2 people, energetic moves, lots of motion, truly a romantic performance when done by experienced dancers.
"it takes two to tango"
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Oh man, thats realy good... Love it
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very nice, very nice...i dont see much critique needed here, so dont worry 
good work!
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well. it doesn't rhyme. but it flows nicely. sounds pretty good. for your second poem it's ok. you should make it longer. we wanna know what happens after the dance. 
c yaz
jules
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You need not be so critical or concerned about your poetry. You've obviously reached down deep for this one and the raw energy from it is astounding. It's quite powerful and the rhythm that flows perfectly for the subject matter. It bounces and pauses, much like sex. I know you weren't looking for anything in-depth but I lack the ability to really do that and I felt the need to edge in my support for your expressing yourself in this medium.
I'd love to see more.
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Very nice. It completely surprised me at the end. I was envisioning love itself being the game, then I was taken completely aback.
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That is incredible. I love it! Kudos.
-K
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its great...well done, you shouldn't shy away from any critique tho-ther isnt anything i would change about it.this poem's yours,well done again 
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wow, only second? this is very very good, do more please, do more!
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O.o very emotional and alive. kinda goes 'damnit feel me!' .
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Uhh..? Non-critical? Not even constructive critisism?
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I love it. I think you should keep up the poetry. It is amazing and full of very vivid images. Well done.
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There's a rawness about this that's very appealing, it works well with the piece. Very nice.
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Love IT! the pic is the height of passion... fits.
Merci!
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The only appropriate response seems to be: Brava!
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Awesome poem!! i love it!
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it was the night
it was the music
across the universe
we were excited
we had reacted
across the bedroom
it was so sweet
and we kissed on the lip
and then our sweat
proved our being bad
the tango is the violence
and finally you've the confidence
you know it's not coincidence
that our love is the iridescence
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Well as you requested I won't go into too much detail with this comment, but basically I like the way you have blended the image to the background using the one colour (black) good job, I quiet like it!
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Violent is a pretty word
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You phrased this so elegantly. I can just imagine the words dancing across the screen
Congrats on the daily favourite, by the way
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You don't want critique??? Can I just say I like it then?
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Sensual, seductive, and haunting. Well done!
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Oo That picture is perfective and very sexual !
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very sensual picture and lyrics they made me chill.
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the picture fits perfectly. but that's not the reason for faving
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k... 
lemme guess... tango from argentina??? kewl & sexy!!
Julien
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oh hunny, that is truly beautiful.
So very deep and BEAUTIFUL!!!!
fabulous work
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