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Depression (in Eight Parts)
Published: 2014-06-10 05:27:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 15251; Favourites: 787; Downloads: 0
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I.I took a walk once, and
Depression walked alongside me.
"I want to be alone," I told him.
"I know," he replied,
"Why do you think I'm here?"
II.
"I have a plan,"
Depression said to me.
"Not today," I said.
"I'm tired."
He frowned and asked,
"How did you know my plan?"
III.
I gave the weekend over to Depression
but he took three days
instead of two.
"Think of it as an investment," he said.
"And maybe I'll let you have a Friday night
without regrets."
IV.
Fallen to the floor
I look up and see
he's smiling at me.
"You know what they say
about old dogs."
He's doing this on purpose,
I know he is-
and it's working.
"They can't learn new tricks?"
I asked, playing my part.
"No," he replied,
"They die."
V.
I walked away,
my Trials and Tribulations
defeated behind me.
Depression followed,
but even he took a moment
and whistled low.
"I don't think much of you, but
those were some big guys."
I answered honestly:
"What were they,
compared to you?"
VI.
I looked Depression in the eye
staring without pardon or pause.
"Stop that," he said.
"Why," I asked,
"You nervous?"
He looked away
and said nothing.
VII.
Depression smiled at me
And I smiled back.
"You can't win,"
he told me.
"Winning's not the point,"
and I took my turn on the board.
"The point is to keep playing."
He laughed
but said nothing.
"Your move,"
I told him.
VIII.
I look beside me and see
that Depression and I
never once lost stride.
He's still here,
still with me.
"Who knows," he said.
"Maybe you’ll grow old one day.
We'll sit on rocking chairs,
cursing one another,
still playing our little game."
He smiled, and maybe I did too.
"Better yet," I told him.
"Maybe you won't be around at all."
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Comments: 272
Nonlinear is right. XD
Since putting this piece together, I have moved back to my hometown. I have built a brand new relationship with my family, and especially my mother. I have stopped talking to my father. I have done the therapy thing again. I've been on meds for the better part of a year. It has been a wild ride but as I continue on it, I've only felt safer, stronger, more sound of mind.
It is such a fucking blessing to grow old. I am so grateful to still be here, still playing that game with Depression, knowing him less as foe and more as friend. I am who I am, and I love 100% of me. That's a gift I tore out of the muck and grime, it's a promise I have to make myself daily, but it definitely gets easier in time.
Cheers. 
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That's awesome! And yes, there's a quote I love, from the poet Cicero that goes "Where there is life, there is hope."
So it gets tough but as long as we're living we can find ways to coexist and still succeed with the parts inside of us that are wounded or wounding, the parts that tell us we're just not trying hard enough or that we're better off not trying. For many of us, these parts don't go away, so it's a matter of learning to be like "I hear you, I acknowledge your existence, but I'm actively doing what I need to do to not let you control me."
I often try to envision my C-PTSD as a hurt child, and it helps me a lot because it changes my inner dialogue a LOT. I would never talk to ayone else the way I used to always talk to myself when my C-PTSD is active, let alone a child -- and I developed C-PTSD in early childhood -- so it helps me parent myself better as well as cope with wounds that in truth will never fully close.
"That's a gift I tore out of the muck and grime, it's a promise I have to make myself daily, but it definitely gets easier in time."
This is beautiful & practice definitely helps make the waves more manageable. 
I like the idea that instead of "it gets better" it is more that "we get stronger." Insight and practice are powerful things, and while circumstances definitely shape our limitations, just waiting, hoping for things to get better can cause us to lose out on so much of life which, as you said, is a truly beautiful thing.
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This is, without a doubt, one of the best things I've ever read in my life. I feel it, I've lived it, I'm living it, and Depression's voice sounds exactly as you captured him. I like to think that maybe I'll sound like the narrator someday. This piece is honestly the best.
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That is too much praise for a too honest a poem. I'm so happy you read it, I'm happier still something in it could speak to you. Depression can be both apart and a part of you. I hope you both find your way soon
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Thank you so much for reading C:
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Hey, A really brilliant take on depressions constant presence. I too look on my depression as a separate entity, I call it "it", and often have conversations and arguments with it. Sad I know, but viewing it as a constant companion, even if it's unwanted company does help to deal with it in my head. A really brilliant piece.....
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I used to always think of him as separate, but time marches on and these days it's easier to see myself instead. Whatever it takes to survive, tho, right? Thank you so much for reading.
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omg! I can't believe I came across this piece again! (I had been searching this without been able to find it for a while). I feel like I didn't write a proper comment last time, so I'm just commenting again.
I really love how you've explained this. I specially like parts I, II and VII. "Winning's not the point. The point is to keep playing". Do you mind if I write down that as a quote? It's just so inspiring, and something to remember.
Amazing job on this piece
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Thanks for finding us again. ^^ Of course you can write it down. Whatever helps keep you level, do that. Take care, and thanks for reading.
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You're very welcome. Thanks for writing! Take care too ^^
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woah!... I really feel identified by this writing, it is true that depression is almost impossible to defeat and that it will always be part of your person, and the only one to "eradicate" this problem is to try to do is to understand that you have a problem and try to control it or even make productive habits to reduce that problem, I am aware that it is very difficult to do it, but surely it is worth it.
The reason why I felt identified was because I have anxiety, I begin to despair and regret my mistakes.
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It is definitely worth it. <3 Thank you so much for reading.
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Amazing! It's true; depression is an enemy that can't be defeated in a single blow.
And I loved that line, "Winning's not the point. The point is to keep playing. Your move." AGGH! It pretty much sums up coping with it.
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Sure thing! Yeah, the title made me curious.
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I repped you again today, this time in a Facebook group of mine. Your poetry, and the way you've personified your Depression, has always given me the lens to see mine in a different way, and that gives me strength. Maybe one day I'll even make peace with it - probably once it stops trying to kill me so hard. In a significant way, I'm still here because of you. Thank you.
I love you. I hope you're well.
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That I could help you in such a way, I am humbled and grateful. For you to still be "repping" me, well, I feel the same but I may have giggled and kicked up my feet a little.
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"Not today," I said.
He frowned and asked,
"How did you know my plan?"
****
That about sums it up right there.
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Yup. Thanks for reading. <3
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I feel totally identified with this. It's just so true. I love how you explain it.
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Thanks, thanks for reading, and yeah, this was just the easiest way I could explain it.
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i just really have to let you know that i thought this was
written so beautifully, and it was incredibly easy to picture and grasp
i really love this! ♥
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Thanks, and thanks so much for reading. C:
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This is what you write when you have the dreaded block? This is amazing! I'd love to write this when I am blocked, which I am. This has a good story line too.
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Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it. ^^
This was honestly just a distillation of an ongoing conversation between me and depression that I had been recording in my journals, so no, it wasn't that difficult to piece together. I didn't even think much of it at the time because to me, it was already something I had said, but I guess I finally put it in such a way that other people were finally able to go, "Oh, I get it."
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I'm glad that this could help you in any way, shape or form. Thanks for reading, and don't be afraid to reach out... I'd be happy to listen.
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I've never actually been diagnosed with depression before ( at least I don't think so
Ive actually never thought that someone could write about this and make me feel like I was there, I'm not sure of it sounds weird.
But I love this poem. Hearing the enlightenment and dull thumps of the words spoken between the person and depression. Good work.
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That's not weird at all. ^^ Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you liked it.
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Perfect transformation. Unfortunately, we will never win; and will never get completely rid of this guy. The worst what can happen: nobody believes us that we have such a companion...
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Everyone has their own idea of the worst that could happen. That used to be mine... and when it did happen, and I tried to make a quick end of it, I still found myself on the other side of it, proving that you can walk through fire and the world is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. I know it sounds cheesy, and I didn't used to believe in it as I do now, but as long as we're still here, as long as we can keeping breathing for another minute, another second, there is always a chance for things to get better -- with or without the shadow-man still hanging about. People change, and in time, so does he.
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Far from it, but thank you.
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Yes, this is exactly how it is. A very powerful piece, as close to perfect as I've read.
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n///n I never know whether to be proud of such compliments, or saddened that so many people can relate.
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I love the personification of Depression...and I love how the counterpart (you) is so defiant and determined not to let him win.
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It's always helped to personify depression, and I'm glad that you liked him. <3 Thanks for reading.
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Thank you for writing this, it's a story I know quite well and you put it into such simple yet profound words.
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Your wonderful poem has been featured here:
Favorites for FebruaryYes, admittedly, February isn't here yet, but these works are so wonderful I had to share them early. I am slowly learning dA's changes, so guess what--I accidentally replaced my previous one, but it's back now. I still don't know if they can be published outside of my watchers only. Nevertheless, I hope the feature leads to many more favorites for these pieces. Thank you, artists, for the beauty of what you have created and shared with us. Have a blessed day!
Heavenly Scattering by Trashins Depression (in Eight Parts) by SpiritFingers hallelujah by sandeepsarma Devil vs Jesus - Artistic Journey Challenge by ongchewpeng My Idol by IosifChezan A Woman's Heart by LibertyMeadows Thank you, have a great day! -Debra
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You must give proper credit. If you share on the internet, please link back to this piece. Otherwise, I don't mind.
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Thanks, I want to post it for a friend. Me and her both are dealing with stuff right now.
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I understand, and I'm humbled you think one of my pieces might help at all. Note me, if you ever want to talk.
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